Billy West: Philip J. Fry • Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth • Dr. Zoidberg • ...

Brannigan, Begin Again

Philip J. Fry • Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth • Dr. Zoidberg • Zapp Brannigan • Small Glurmo #1

Captain Zapp Brannigan: One day, a man has everything. Then the next day, he blows up a billion dollar space station. And then the next day, he has nothing. Makes you think, huh, Kipp?
Kif Kroker: No, it doesn't.

[Zapp Brannigan and Kif were fired from DOOP]
Leela: Zapp?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who's ever loved me.
Leela: I never loved you.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: I mean physically.
Leela: What do you want?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence, or service you sexually, or mop the floor.
Leela: You don't know how to do ANY of those things.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Kif might.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Here's to us poor schmoes, working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy female man.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot the one thing: rock crushes scissors.
[Suddenly thoughtful]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: But paper covers rock. And scissors cuts paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper. And bring me a rock.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I'd like everyone to meet our new employees!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [to Hermes] Farnsworth: Which ones are new?
Hermes Conrad: The green dude and the fat man.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [looking at Bender] I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either.
Bender: I'm Bender, the lovable rascal!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh yes, yes! My good friend, of course.
[makes confused gesture]

Leela: What are we delivering?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors.
Leela: We'll get them there as quickly as we can.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: All right, but don't run with them.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: You know, boys, a good captain needs abilities like boldness, daring and a good velour uniform, and I'm not convinced Leela has ANY of those things.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: One day, a man has everything. Then the next day, he blows up a billion dollar space station. And then the next day, he has nothing. Makes you think, huh, Kif?
Kif Kroker: No, it doesn't.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Back when I was captain, all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants.
Bender: Beer?
Fry: Underpants?

Captain Zapp Brannigan: I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kif. With enemies you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

[Zapp mutinies against Leela]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Leela, you may be a formidable do-er of the nasty, but I'm forced to relieve you of your post.