Dan Castellaneta credited as playing...
Homer Simpson • Caller • Stan • Man
- Optometrist: [Homer is trying on glasses] That pair's popular with celebrities like Val Kilmer...
- Homer: Ooh, my favorite Door.
- Optometrist: ...and Yoko Ono.
- Homer: Eww, she ruined the Plastic Ono Band!
- Optometrist: Maybe you're a candidate for laser eye surgery.
- Homer: Will it get me out of having to choose glasses?
- Optometrist: Well, yes, but I must warn you it's an experimental procedure we still don't know the long-term effects...
- Homer: [pointing the laser at his eye] Less yappin', more zappin'!
- Marge Simpson: [watching Lisa tap dance] Wow, look at her go!
- Homer: Yeah, that pressure we put on her really paid off!
- Optometrist: Okay, let's get started.
- [turning off the lights, she hears him snoring]
- Optometrist: Hey, wake up!
- Homer Simpson: What do you...? Oh, sorry.
- Optometrist: Now, read the first line.
- Homer Simpson: "I ate pee pee."
- [writing "I 8 PP", Bart laughs]
- Homer Simpson: [strangling him] Why, you little...!
- Optometrist: [switching lenses] Better or worse?
- Homer Simpson: Worse!
- Optometrist: [switching them again] Better or worse?
- Homer Simpson: *Much* better!
- Professor Frink: [Examining Lisa's self dancing shoes] Jesus, Mary and Glavin! These shoes are in the 'Off' position!
- Lisa Simpson: You mean I danced all by myself?
- Marge Simpson: See, honey? All you needed was to believe...
- Homer Simpson: [Snatching the shoes from Professor Frink] What are you talking about, Professor Frink? They're *clearly* in the 'On' position. See? 'On'.
- [Shows them to Lisa. Her face falls]
- Professor Frink: I was merely trying to spare the girl's feelings, you insensitive clod.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, ohhh! Well, now that I look even closer...
- Lisa Simpson: Forget it, Dad.