Christopher Meloni: Detective Elliot Stabler

Fat

Detective Elliot Stabler

Captain Donald Cragen: You're a good cop. But God knows how Olivia put up with you for so long.
Det. Elliot Stabler: [cynically] Yeah well, Olivia's a saint.

Detective Lucius Blaine: [after having a fight with Stabler] Sorry about your shirt.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Sorry about your face.
[they laugh]

Captain Donald Cragen: [as Elliot is walking out of the interrogation room] He say anything?
Det. Elliot Stabler: Yeah, get me a soda.
Captain Donald Cragen: [about the 260 pound teenager] He needs to ease up on the soda.

Det. Elliot Stabler: [after Rudi doesn't show up for court] What happened?
Detective Lucius Blaine: He was rushed to the hospital. Double whammy: kidney failure and his left foot amputated. Guilty verdict's kind of irrelevant when he's under a death sentence anyhow.

Det. Elliot Stabler: [to Jessica DeLay] People can't help being black or gay, but being fat, well, that's their fault, right?

Det. Elliot Stabler: [to Cragen about Blaine] Why'd you land this blowhard on me?
Captain Donald Cragen: He's a good cop. Queens SVU speaks highly of him.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Right, that's why they dumped him on us. Where's Benson?
Captain Donald Cragen: Computer Crimes. You needed a break from each other.
Det. Elliot Stabler: In whose opinion?
Captain Donald Cragen: Decision's made.

Detective Lucius Blaine: [to Stabler] What seems to be your problem?
Det. Elliot Stabler: You! Questioning a minor without a parent present?
Detective Lucius Blaine: Give me a break.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Even if you get something in there, we can't use it.
Detective Lucius Blaine: Look, we can use it to break the brother! They did it, man! Look, they brutalized that girl!
Det. Elliot Stabler: Right, and when the defense finds out how you got the confession, what?
Detective Lucius Blaine: How they gonna find out, huh? You're gonna back me up! The words of two detectives against a kid.
Det. Elliot Stabler: There's no way I'm doing that.
Detective Lucius Blaine: Don't give me that holier-than-thou crap. I know how you work.
Det. Elliot Stabler: You know nothing about me.
Detective Lucius Blaine: No wonder your partner dumped you.
Det. Elliot Stabler: What'd you just say to me?
Detective Lucius Blaine: You screwed her and now you're trying to screw me.
[Blaine and Stabler start fighting with each other]

Detective Lucius Blaine: [to Stabler about questioning a teenage assault victim] Look, man, we've got a window of opportunity.
Det. Elliot Stabler: I understand that, but scaring the girl's not gonna get us anything.
Detective Lucius Blaine: Sorry. Forgot I was dealing with Detective Sensitive.

Detective Lucius Blaine: The victim described you pretty good, Mia. As soon as we walked into the band room, we knew exactly who you were.
Mia Bixton: Where's my brother?
Detective Lucius Blaine: Next door. He's been telling Detective Stabler all about it. You see, this is what we call "Truth Time." Tell us the truth and it counts in your favor. It counts a lot.
Mia Bixton: Is my mother coming?
Detective Lucius Blaine: The thing is, sweetheart, once your mother shows up, the lawyers show up and then "Truth Time" is over. And whatever you say has to be put in the book. And once it's there, it's on your record forever.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Blaine...
[Blaine puts his hand up to stop him from interrupting]
Mia Bixton: I just want my mother. Please.
Detective Lucius Blaine: We're trying to find her. In fact, my colleague will leave now and call her. Mia, this is your chance. Tell the truth now. And the fact it's your first offense, you'll get off.
Mia Bixton: Really?
Detective Lucius Blaine: You'll get immunity.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Detective, outside now.
Detective Lucius Blaine: Okay?
Det. Elliot Stabler: Detective! Outside, please!