Undergrads (TV Series)

Traditions (2001)

Pete Williams: Parker 'Nitz' Walsh, Justin 'Gimpy' Taylor, Cal Evans, Rocko Gambiani

Photos 

Quotes 

• Gimpy : So my precious R.A. doesn't think that I have the testosterone to go out and do a few silly little pranks. Well, I'll show her just how wrong she is. By organizing you men to do the pranks for me. But to make her think that this is the work of one, you will all need to look alike.

  Nerd #1 : [has a huge nose]  I fully accept that this mission may involve plastic surgery sir.

  Gimpy : Duly noted. But what's needed here is a disguise. Let's see what we're working with.

  Rita the R.A. : [a montage ensues of all the nerds trying on ridiculous outfits. Rita suddenly enters]  Students! What the hell is going on here?

  Gimpy : I'm giving away all of my clothes. Since I never leave my room.

  Rita the R.A. : Okay, girls. Carry on with the dress-up fun.

  Gimpy : [seething]  We'll show that girl who's a man and who's a girl.

  Nerd #2 : [wearing a dress]  Yeah!

• Rocko : What the hell are you doing?

  Nitz : I'm trying to lose weight for the Exposed Expo but the diet Gimpy sent me doesn't seem to be working.

  Rocko : That's because diets are for chicks chief. Men go to the gym.

• Rita, the R.A. : The reckless traditions week actions of this G-Prime have gone on long enough. G-Prime will be expelled to set an example. But who is G-Prime? I have a composite image from various sightings.

  [Shows a picture that looks like the Unabomber] 

  Rita, the R.A. : If no-one will come forward all will be punished with 1/3 of a mark off for mid-terms.

  Gimpy : Oh, crap.

  Mump : I am G-Prime.

  Rita, the R.A. : Ah-ha!

  Nerd #1 : I am G-Prime!

  Student : I am G-Prime!

  Student : I am Sparticus.

  Mump , Nerd #1 , Nerd #2 : [chanting]  G-Prime!

  Gimpy : They aren't covering for me. They're trying to take credit for being G-Prime!

• Rocko : Aaaagghh. Oh God, I saw his member. I saw Cal's member! And... I don't care. I'M NOT GAY!

  Mark : And I'm not straight. Huzzah!

• Cal : Isn't it amazing how different hands look when they're naked?

  Nitz : Kimmy said she's going to see me in the exposed expo.

  Cal : Well, she's going to see a lot of you. You're putting on the freshmen fifteen, guy!

  [Nitz stammers, has a flashback of all the huge meals he's eaten in the episode, and then drops a jar of olives that he realizes he's eating] 

  Nitz : Aww crap.

• Rita, the R.A. : SOMETHING'S GOING ON, STUDENT! How come you're naked? And sweaty... and... and... and naked?

  Gimpy : I told you, I gave away most of my clothes. And since I never leave my room, I can't exactly go out to the laundry. And do you have a problem with my sweaty manhood?

• Student : G-Prime is pranking State U, and I am still Spartacus.

  Rita, the R.A. : GIMPY.

  Gimpy : The device I implanted on Rita's neck. It's going off meaning Rita is heading for my room.

• [Rocko had a gay dream about Cal] 

  Rocko : Traditions rock, and at my college we've got an awesome one. Getting stinkin drunk and going to the double expo to take pictures of naked freshman chicks. You hear me, Cal? That's what I'm into. Naked. Chicks.

• Rita : I'm making sure none of my students participate. Although I don't expect any trouble from a shut-in like you.

  Gimpy : I'll thank you not to mock my lifestyle choices.

  Mump : [carrying an IV]  It's here! At long last the nightmare of leaving your room to eat is over sir!

  Rita : Fine. Enjoy your dinner, bubble-boy.

  Gimpy : [grumbles] 

• Rocko : Wussy! You're weak! Christopher Reeve could kick this guy's ass!

• Cal : Hey, guy! Don't I look really naked in my naked t-shirt?

• Gimpy : Hey Nitz! What's up?

  Nitz : Well let's see? Rocko had a homoerotic dream about Cal, I've got a huge ass, the exposed expo is ruining my life. I just wanted to bitch with a fellow traditions hater that...

  Gimpy : Great news. I'm the traditions master of Teckerson Tech.

  Nitz : What?

  Gimpy : Well I arranged for...

  Mump : We are at your coronation Tradition master.

  Nitz : Don't let me interrupt "Tradition Master."

• Gimpy : So, I hear we're going to have a new "Traditions Week" prank master. What's his name? Optimus Prime?

  Rita, the R.A. : G-Prime.

  Gimpy : Ah, yes, G-Prime. He sounds like a real verile, all-man, manly man to me...

  Rita, the R.A. : He's a stumpy runt! And when I catch him he will be so dead!

  [calmer] 

  Rita, the R.A. : Just make sure you stay on the straight and narrow.

  Gimpy : [one of Gimpy's men carrying a goat behind Rita]  Okay, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.

• Gimpy : I'll email you the Nusbaum diet. It works in six days. Callista Flockheart was only on it for five.

• [last lines] 

  Nitz : Well, it didn't last long, and it wasn't exactly fun, but I guess it's better to be humiliated sometimes than never try anything.

  Jessie : You know, that's exactly my attitude towards sex.

• Dreamlike Sequence : [Imagining his grave]  Nitz Walsh: HE NEVER DID SQUAT.

  Nitz : No I will do squat. I will. Starting with the Double Expo.

• Cal : Traditions are neat! Cause they're all about naked ladies!

• Rocko : [Pointing at Nitz's sweat puddle]  I wouldn't pee in your pool, don't sweat in my gym.

  Nitz : I don't have a...

  Rocko : Wussy!

• Cal : Hey guy, do I look more naked if I go like this, or if I go like this?

• Rocko : I had this dream about Cal. A homoerotic dream.

  Nitz : Rocko, I'm sure it wasn't that bad...

  Rocko : Keanu Reeves was in it too.

  Nitz : Oooh.

• Rocko : The shrinkage is going to be fierce in this cold.

  Rocko : [Holds up a penis pump for Nitz. All glare at him]  What? I washed it.

  [Gives it a spit-shine]