Harry Shearer credited as playing...
Dick • Ned Flanders • Dr. Julius Hibbert • Principal Skinner • George H.W. Bush • Lenny
- Bart: Did your Secret Service goons ever whack anybody, George?
- George Bush: You know in my day, little boys didn't call their elders by their first names.
- Bart: [sarcastically] Yeah? Well, welcome to the 20th century, George.
- Homer: [in an exaggerated tone] Yoo-hoo.!
- George Bush: Who is it?
- Homer: [in an exaggerated tone] It's your sons, George Bush, Jr. and Jeb Bush. Come outside, Dad.
- George Bush: Oh, good.
- [yells]
- George Bush: Bar! The boys are in the front yard. They'll help me think of a plan to get those Simpsons.
- Barbara Bush: Oh, George! Is that all you ever think about? The boys probably just want a letter of recommendation.
- [George Bush steps outside the front door as the cardboard cutouts roll upwards]
- George Bush: Boys? Where are you going?
- Homer: [shouts to Bart as he is on the roof] Okay, son. Give him the glue!
- [Bart squeezes glue onto George's head from the roof and Homer slaps a rainbow afro wig on and runs away]
- [President Bush has put up a poster on the front of the house with crudely drawn pictures of Homer and Bart on it. It reads 'Two Bad Neighbors']
- Dr. Julius Hibbert: [confused] I- I don't understand. Are you saying you and Barbara are bad neighbors?
- George Bush: [annoyed] No! That's not Bar and me. It's them.
- [Bush points at the Simpsons' house]
- Ned Flanders: Who? Maude and me?
- George Bush: No. The man and his boy. You know, the- the boy is named Bart. I don't know the name of the man.
- [calls in to his wife, Barbara]
- George Bush: Bar! What's the name of the man?
- Barbara Bush: [calling out to George] I'm not getting involved, George.
- George Bush: Look, just never mind. I thought the banner was pretty straightforward, but I guess I'll just take it down.
- George Bush: What the- Great Scott! Don't touch that. That's the alpenhorn Helmut Kohl gave me.
- Bart: Where'd you get those pajamas?
- George Bush: They're presidential pajamas. You have to be president, and you're not president.
- Bart: Yes, I am.
- George Bush: D- No, you're not. Bar!
- [Bart is rummaging through the Bush's ktchen drawers]
- Bart: Hey, where's your candy?
- George Bush: We don't have any. Now go away!
- Barbara Bush: George! Older people don't eat much candy, Bart, but I could bake you some cookies if you like.
- George Bush: [under his breath] Can't remember the last time she made cookies for me.
- Barbara Bush: What's that?
- George Bush: Oh, nothing.
- [Bart has accidentally shredded George's memoirs and George turns toward him angrily]
- Bart: Whoa, man!
- George Bush: Whoa, nothing. I'm going to do something your daddy should have done a long time ago.
- [George turns Bart over his knee and spanks him]
- George Bush: Now go home and think about what you've done, young man!
- Homer: For the last time, Bush, apologize for spanking my boy!
- George Bush: Never! You make him apologize for destroying my memoirs.
- Homer: [to Bart] You didn't tell me you destroyed his memoirs.
- Homer: [yells at George] Never!
- Maude Flanders: What brings you to Springfield?
- Barbara Bush: Well, George and I just wanted to be private citizens again, go where nobody cared about politics. So we found the town with the lowest voter turnout in America.
- George Bush: Just happy to be here among good, average people with no particular hopes or dreams.
- Rod Flanders: But, Mr. President, we're not all good people.
- Todd Flanders: There's one little boy you should watch out for. He's a bad, bad little boy.
- Ned Flanders: [laughing nervously] Now, Todd, don't scare the president.
- [as if on cue, they see Bart skateboard past]
- George Bush: [giving a speech] And that's why I will continue to oppose teen alcoholism in all its forms.
- [as the audience applauds, it's revealed he tried to cut off the rainbow-colored wig Homer and Bart glued on]
- George Bush: Now, are there any questions?
- [hands are raised]
- George Bush: Keeping in mind that I already explained about my hair.
- [George is showing Bart his photo albums]
- Bart: Who's that, George?
- George Bush: That's me with Charlton Heston. He was...
- Bart: [interrupts] ... Who's that, George?
- George Bush: You wouldn't know him. That's Bob Mosbacher. He was secretary of...
- Bart: [interrupts] ... That's a dumb name. Who's that, George?
- George Bush: [annoyed] Maybe he thinks Bart is a dumb...
- Bart: [interrupts] ... How many times were you president, George?
- George Bush: Just once.
- Barbara Bush: George! This is the last straw. You apologize to Homer right now!
- George Bush: But Bar, we can't show any weakness in front of the Russians.
- Barbara Bush: [reproachful] George...
- George Bush: Yes, dear.
- Homer: You owe me an apology.
- George Bush: Hey, you owe me an apology. If you were any kind of a father, you'd have disciplined that boy a long time ago.
- George Bush: Hi, there, neighbors. Uh, I'm... George Bush.
- [shocked stares]
- George Bush: Former President George Bush?
- [murmurs of recognition]
- Homer: Okay, let's give it up for the new guy. Now, let's all turn around and pay attention to me again.
- Bart: Hey, what's this?
- George Bush: My electric card shuffler. Don't go near the...
- [Bart sends cards flying everywhere]
- George Bush: Now, I told you. Oh... those cards were from Air Force One, and they only give you so many packs.
- Barbara Bush: Oh, George, boys will be boys. Bart's just being friendly. Why don't you get off that sofa and show Bart your photos?
- George Bush: Oh, but he'll gunk 'em all up. His hands are probably covered with mud and cookies.
- [Bart shows him his clean hands]
- George Bush: Well... probably stole a napkin.
- Homer: [pulling into the Krusty Burger drive-thru] Oh, man! I only got one minute 'til they stop serving those breakfast balls.
- [seeing another car already in line]
- Homer: D'oh!
- George Bush: Let's see now. What do you folks have here, huh? Hmm, a Krusty Burger. That doesn't sound too appetizing. What kind of stew do you have today?
- Squeaky-Voiced Teen: [over the intercom] Uh, we don't have stew.
- Ray Johnson: [Homer starts honking his horn impatiently] Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger?
- George Bush: Oh, that's really more of a weekend thing, Ray.
- Homer: Hey, jerk! Move your fanny!
- George Bush: That guy is louder than World War II. Ray, go see what the rhubarb is, will you?
- Ray Johnson: [going back to Homer's car] Sir, could you pop your hood?
- Homer: [as he does so, Ray disables the horn] Hey! My taxes paid for that horn.
- Marge: Are you interested in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner?
- Principal Skinner: [she turns it on] Hmm... it's awfully loud.
- Marge: Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack.
- Principal Skinner: [scoffing as she does so] But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass.
- [leaving, then coming back]
- Principal Skinner: Have you sold that tie rack yet?
- Marge: No.
- Principal Skinner: I'll take it.
- Ray Johnson: You want to step back, sir? You're trampling the flowers.
- Homer: Ooh! Hiding behind your goons, eh, Bush? Ooh! Well, *you* are a wimp!
- George Bush: [his lip trembling] Wimp... am I? Agent Johnson? Agent Heintz? You men, stand down.
- [shrugging, they do so, and he opens the gate]
- George Bush: All right, mister. You want trouble, you're gonna get trouble.
- Homer: Oh, I want trouble, all right.
- George Bush: Then you're gonna get trouble.
- Homer: No, *you're* gonna get trouble.
- George Bush: Oh, that's good, that's good, 'cause I want trouble.
- Homer: Then we're agreed there'll be trouble.
- George Bush: Oh, yeah, lots of trouble.
- Homer: Trouble, it is.
- George Bush: For you.
- Homer: For...
- [Bush slams his front door]
- Homer: D'oh!
- Ned Flanders: [providing running commentary on the rummage sale] Well, sir, looks like we got some nice items here at table Glick. Like this; what the heckaroonie is this, Mrs. Glick?
- Mrs. Glick: [taking his microphone] It is a candy dish, Ned. $90.
- Ned Flanders: Uh-huh. Well, I, uh... I guess you could put a lot of nice things in there.
- Mrs. Glick: No! Just candy, Ned. $90.
- Ned Flanders: [leaving, he sees a realtor putting a "sold" sign on the house across the street] Well, looks like somebody sold something today.