Isla Fisher credited as playing...
Denise
- Rod Kimble: [absent-mindedly, as Denise walks away] You look pretty.
- Denise: [turning around] What?
- Rod Kimble: I said you look shitty. Good night Denise.
- [Runs away]
- Denise: I'm sorry, Rod. What were you going to ask me?
- Rod Kimble: Um, I was gonna ask you who you think would win in a fight between... a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco.
- Denise: Is that what you were really going to ask me?
- Rod Kimble: Of course.
- Denise: Well, I think the grilled cheese sandwich - in a fair fight. But if it was prison rules, I'd put my money on the taco.
- Rod Kimble: Wow, that's pretty racist but correct. I'll see you later.
- Rod Kimble: Hey, Denise, have I ever shown you a picture of my dead dad?
- Denise: No.
- Rod Kimble: Oh, you've gotta see it. He's super dead.
- Denise: That's him? He looks so nice. He was a stuntman?
- Rod Kimble: Oh, yeah. He used to work for Evel Knievel, testing his bikes before big jumps. He would do the jumps first to make sure they were safe and let Evel come in and get all the glory. After a while the old man said, "To hell with that. I want the credit I deserve." So one afternoon, he set out to jump ten milk trucks. He nailed the take-off, but when he landed, something terrible happened. His front tire exploded like a cannonball, and his handle bars went straight through his head. Blood was everywhere. His teeth were ground down to a powder, and the front of his face exploded out the back of his skull. He died instantly... the next day.
- Rod Kimble: So, Denise, tell me about Jonathan. What's that dude all about?
- Denise: Well, we've been going out for about a year.
- Rod Kimble: Mhmm, and it's going well?
- Denise: Yeah, yeah. I mean, every relationship has it's ups and downs, but...
- Rod Kimble: Right. I've heard that. And he's a nice guy?
- Denise: Oh, yeah. I mean, he's really smart. He's actually in line to become a junior partner at his law firm.
- Rod Kimble: Right, totally. You guys should break up.
- Denise: What?
- Rod Kimble: Nothing. Hey, Dave's back!
- Dave: You guys, the bathroom here is nuts!
- Denise: Who cares what anyone thinks?
- Rod Kimble: You don't get it, do you Denise? I used to be legit. In fact, I was too legit. I was too legit to quit. But now I'm not legit. I'm un-legit. And for that reason I must quit.
- Denise: You don't mean that.
- Rod Kimble: Yeah, I do... Stay Sweet.
- [Turns around and walks away]
- Denise: Tai Chi teaches that if you focus your body and mind you'll be able to perform at the peak of your abilities.
- Rod Kimble: Yes, sensei.
- Denise: You don't have to call me sensei, Rod.
- Rod Kimble: Got it. Sensei, I have a question: Is there a Tai Chi move that would make a grown man crap his pants and not know why?
- Denise: I'm not gonna lie to you, Rod. That move does exist. But you're not ready for it yet.
- Kevin Powell: Wow, Rod. I can't believe she said yes.
- Rod Kimble: Yeah Kevin. You've only to believe if you wish to achieve. That rhymed. Unintentional.
- Denise: Wow. She's really pretty, Rod.
- Rod Kimble: I know, D. But it's more than that me and Kathy. It's emotional. She gets me.
- Dave: Wow, Rod. I am just green with jealous rage right now!