Bill Hader: Dave

Hot Rod

Dave

Rod Kimble: Hey, everybody! I got some awesome news. We have a new crew member today, Denise. So I thought it would be fun if we all went around and said our name and a little something about ourselves. I'll start. My name is Rod, and I like to party. All right, Dave, you're up.
Dave: Uh, hi. Uh, my name is Dave, and uh... I like to party.
Rod Kimble: Uh, no, Dave. I just said that I party, so maybe you could do something different from me.
Dave: My name is Dave, and I... am the stuntman.
Rod Kimble: You know what? Let's move on. Rico, you're up.
Rico: Uh, hello! I'm Rico, and I like to party.
Rod Kimble: Yeah, uh, Rico, what did I just say to Dave?
Rico: Who?
Rod Kimble: Dave!
Kevin Powell: I like to party. I'm Rod.
Rod Kimble: No! You're Kevin!
Kevin Powell: Right, Kevin. I party.
Rod Kimble: No, no, you don't. Okay, nobody parties but me.
Dave: Yes, and we party.
Rod Kimble: No!
Rico: Yeah, just Rod...
Rod Kimble: Yes!
Rico: ...and me!
Rod Kimble: No! I'm the only one who parties!
Kevin Powell: I'm pretty sure I've partied before.
Rod Kimble: No, Kevin, I know for a fact you don't party. Okay? You do not party!
Kevin Powell: You're right. Dave's the party guy.
Dave: Haha, sweet!
Rod Kimble: Oh, my God, shut up! Okay? I'm just gonna do it for you.

Dave: I have various responsibilities within the crew. I'm kind of a jack-of-all-trades, really. I, one time, manned a flamethrower.
High School Girl: Cool.
Dave: Of course it's cool. It's awesome as shit.

Dave: Hey, Rod, thanks for the ride.
[Rod sees a chunk of metal lodged in Dave's eye and they both scream]
Dave: Hey, buddy. How's it going?
Rod Kimble: Dave, what happened to your eye?
Dave: This? Is it really noticeable?
Rod Kimble: Yeah!
Dave: Is it really noticeable?
Rod Kimble: Yeah!
Dave: Oh, man, it's totally serendipitous. Well, I got off work early, and you know my buddy Derrick? Well he was like, "I've got this acid, but I can't do it." And I was all like, "Well, I'll do it." So I did it. And by the time I got on my banana board, man, I was... I was tripping balls pretty hard, man. So I decided to get on my bench grinder, and a piece of metal flew up and hit me right in the eye. It was pretty awesome. And that brings us to now.
Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, just try and relax.
Dave: Can do, man. Can do. I'm gonna be honest with you, Rod. You look like a giant eagle with fire all around you, and you've got a mountain for a face.
Rod Kimble: I'm guessing that's the drugs, Dave.
Dave: Yeah, but it's also just kind of weird seeing you drive this minivan.
Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, it's my mom's.
Dave: Balls, man! We just ran over a small bus. This really small bus, we just ran over it.
Rod Kimble: I didn't see anything.
Dave: Hey, we're here. Seriously, man, this is one of the top-ten nicest things anybody has ever done for me.

Rod Kimble: So, Denise, tell me about Jonathan. What's that dude all about?
Denise: Well, we've been going out for about a year.
Rod Kimble: Mhmm, and it's going well?
Denise: Yeah, yeah. I mean, every relationship has it's ups and downs, but...
Rod Kimble: Right. I've heard that. And he's a nice guy?
Denise: Oh, yeah. I mean, he's really smart. He's actually in line to become a junior partner at his law firm.
Rod Kimble: Right, totally. You guys should break up.
Denise: What?
Rod Kimble: Nothing. Hey, Dave's back!
Dave: You guys, the bathroom here is nuts!

Dave: Whatever happened to "Live as a team. Die as a team"?
Rod Kimble: It's a sham, okay? There's no such thing as a team. You live and die alone.
Rico: [to Rod] Do you see what you're doing to him? You're making him upset. How important is this to you, huh? I don't even cry, and look at me. You're about to make tears come out of my face.
[screaming]
Rico: Who am I supposed to build ramps for? Who am I supposed to build ramps for now?

Kevin Powell: [after Rod asks Cathy out] Wow, Rod, I can't believe she said yes.
Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, you have only to believe if you wish to achieve, Kevin. That rhymed. Unintentional.
Dave: Man, Rod! I am just green with jealous rage right now!

Kevin Powell: Wow, Rod. I can't believe she said yes.
Rod Kimble: Yeah Kevin. You've only to believe if you wish to achieve. That rhymed. Unintentional.
Denise: Wow. She's really pretty, Rod.
Rod Kimble: I know, D. But it's more than that me and Kathy. It's emotional. She gets me.
Dave: Wow, Rod. I am just green with jealous rage right now!