Seth MacFarlane credited as playing...
Peter Griffin • Brian Griffin • Stewie Griffin • Scarecrow • Opera Singer • Jesus Christ • Glenn Quagmire • Tom Tucker • Vern • Captain Seamus • Voiceover in CD #2 • Man in Sauna #2
- Brian Griffin: All we need is one incriminating entry in this date book and that's our ticket to...
- [Brian and Stewie notice Peter and Lois lying on the couch, nude]
- Peter Griffin: Hey, Brian. What's up?
- Brian Griffin: Uh, hi, uh, Lois... Peter.
- Brian Griffin: Brian, did you know this couch was here? It's so comfortable!
- Peter Griffin: Hey, Lois! Look how short Stewie is.
- [laughs]
- Peter Griffin: He's so short.
- Lois Griffin: Oh, my God! He IS short.
- [both laugh hysterically]
- Lois Griffin: Hey. Hey, Brian. He's knocking on the back door. What should I do?
- Brian Griffin: What?
- Lois Griffin: He's knocking on the back door. Should I let him in? I'm a-scared!
- Stewie Griffin: Well, uh, you two are busy being nude. So, uh, we'll just head out and, uh, let you be nude.
- Peter Griffin: Who were those guys?
- Lois Griffin: I don't know.
- Glen Quagmire: Room for one more? Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee!
- Lois Griffin: You know, it would be fun to write some new songs.
- Stewie Griffin: You know what else is fun? Watching "Mr. Belvedere" without people talking so loud.
- Lois Griffin: So I was thinking we could...
- Stewie Griffin: [loudly singing] STREAKS ON THE CHINA NEVER MATTERED BEFORE! WHO CARED! WHEN YOU DROP-KICKED YOUR JACKET, WHEN YOU CAME THROUGH THE DOOR, NO ONE GLARED!
- Stewie Griffin: [sighs] Trying to watch "Mr. Belvedere".
- Chris Griffin: So, my advice to the two of you would be...
- Stewie Griffin: [loudly singing] ACCORDING TO OUR NEW ARRIVAL, LIFE IS MORE THAN MERE SURVIVAL. AND WE JUST MIGHT LIVE THE GOOD LIFE YET. DUN-DA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-DUN-DA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-DA-NA-NA-DA!
- Peter Griffin: I can't believe we lost the talent show. I wonder where we went wrong?
- Chris Griffin: I think I can shed some light on that. You guys were so baked you didn't sound anywhere near as good as you thought you did. I was in the audience.
- Lois Griffin: And here we thought the weed was inspiring us.
- Chris Griffin: Well, that's a common misconception, Mom and Dad, but the fact is the chief ingredient in marijuana is THC - a mild form of acid, prolonged usage of which can cause adverse effects to your sexual potency, short-term memory loss and can also severely damage your brain tissue, central nervous system and basic motor skills. To put it simply, Mom and Dad, there's a reason they call it "dope".
- Stewie Griffin: I feel more delirious than my cousin Stewie Cruise.
- Stewie Griffin: [Jumping up and down on Oprah Winfrey's couch] I'm in love with Katie Holmes! I'm in love with Katie Holmes! I'm not gay! Go see my new movie! I'm in love with Katie Holmes! I'm not gay!
- Meg Griffin: What are you doing here, Brian? Still trying to smear my boss?
- Brian Griffin: No, no, no. I-I actually came to my senses and realized I was out of line Uh... I'm just here to apologize.
- Stewie Griffin: [Brian smacks him] Oh, and, uh...
- [grimacing]
- Stewie Griffin: You're so pretty. You're always pretty.
- Meg Griffin: Oh... you guys are so sweet.
- [giving him a sisterly kiss]
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, well, it's my pleasure.
- Meg Griffin: Hey, can you guys hold on a sec? I gotta get this to Helen in Accounting.
- Stewie Griffin: Okay, bye.
- [as she leaves, he throws up into potted plant in the corner]
- Brian Griffin: Thank you for coming, Deep Throat.
- Kermit the Frog: You'll understand if I don't come out from the shadows. My identity will be safest if you never see my face.
- Brian Griffin: Uh... okay.
- Kermit the Frog: Mayor West hasn't slept at home for three nights.
- Brian Griffin: Kermit the Frog?
- Kermit the Frog: [gasping in fear] Somebody talked! No one is safe! I'm getting out of here! AHHH!
- [he flees, flailing his arms in the air]
- Stewie Griffin: What's his appeal?
- Stewie Griffin: Somebody's coming in. Oh, it's just some fat hooker.
- [seeing it's Meg]
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, my god, it's Meg!
- Brian Griffin: What?
- Stewie Griffin: Meg and Adam West! EWWW!
- [as he jumps onto the bed, a bleating sheep is heard]
- Stewie Griffin: [jumping off] Oh, sorry, sorry.
- Stewie Griffin: Lois, I don't wanna ruin your morning, but I flushed a diaper. It's a mess up there.