- Ed Higgins: [Ed looks out the window, and sees that Bruce bought Ellen a brand new Cadillac] What did he give up for that?
- Ellen Harper Jackson: [smiling] His secretary.
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: [after Eunice goes into a tirade in front of the wedding guests] Eunice, get a grip on yourself, or I'm gonna kill you!
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: [to Aunt Fran after the wedding] Eunice is the only one that could turn this wedding into a demolition derby.
- Eunice Higgins: [Looking at Sonja] A promise is something that a little one makes when they cross their heart and hope to die.
- Eunice Higgins: [to Mama] You gave daddy's sapphire ring to Tinkerbell over there and his recycled bride!
- Eunice Higgins: [When she finds out that Vinton and Naomi got her daddy's sapphire ring] Old Lady... This time you went TOO FAR!
- Eunice Higgins: [to Mama] The most sacred promise of them all is the promise that a mama gives to her daughter!... That is a promise that is written in BLOOD!
- Aunt Effie Harper: [after Ed carries Eunice out of the wedding, and everyone is looking] Is this the line for the food?
- Eunice Higgins: [Eunice has an argument with Mama over Daddy's sapphire ring] Like the time you promised me the 10-speed bike. I have yet to see that sucker!, but Ellen always had a brand new Schwinn parked underneath her fat fanny!
- Ellen Harper Jackson: I was a straight A student... I earned every one of those bicycles!
- Eunice Higgins: You never earned a thing in your life. You weaseled a brand new bicycle, and you weaseled a brand new Cadillac, and you weaseled a rich husband!
- Ed Higgins: [after he slings Eunice over his shoulder and walks out of the wedding] Many happy returns!
- Eunice Higgins: [Arguing with Mama over the sapphire ring] Daddy used to hold it up, and say "look Muffin, Look at the Star"
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: Oh, for petey's sake, he never called you Muffin in his life.
- Eunice Higgins: [Gritting her teeth] HE SAID "LOOK MUFFIN, LOOK AT THE STAR!"