Jason Segel credited as playing...
Marshall Eriksen
- Marshall Eriksen: [about the date] How'd it go, dude?
- Ted: I didn't go.
- Marshall Eriksen: What? Why?
- Ted: I changed my mind. I don't wanna meet her.
- Marshall Eriksen: Why? She... she sounds perfect.
- Ted: I don't want perfect. I want Robin.
- Marshall Eriksen: Oh, God, not this again! Ted, it's a mistake.
- Ted: [looks at Lily] Maybe, but it's a mistake I have to make.
- Barney Stinson: Tracy, could you come in here, please? Would you please inform Mr. Eriksen that I'm no longer speaking to him.
- Tracy: Mr. Eriksen, Mr. Stinson is no longer...
- Marshall Eriksen: I get it. Thank you, Tracy.
- Ted: I realize why I'm still single. I'm picky. I'm not going to settle. If I'm going to marry someone, she has to be perfect.
- Lily: Well, what's perfect?
- Ted: It's not like I have a list.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Oh, yes, you do.
- Ted: Attractive, college-educated, she wants two kids - a boy and a girl...
- Lily: That's not hard. I know at least...
- Ted: I'm not done. She likes dogs, Otis Redding, does the crossword. She's into sports, but not so much so that her legs are, like, more muscular than mine. That weirds me out. And she plays bass guitar like Kim Deal from the Pixies.
- Marshall Eriksen: Or Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth.
- Ted: Any Kim from any cool band, really. Can't be too picky.
- Lily: You're never going to find this girl.
- Ted: I know you do. Come here. It's okay. Look... Marriage is big. You're allowed to freak out.
- Lily: But why am I the only one? How come Marshall isn't doing anything crazy?
- Marshall Eriksen: [In Barney's office] So all we need is one large shipping box and 100 white mice.
- Ted: Hey. So, Lil, did you, uh, get the milk?
- Lily: Yeah. Yeah, I-I got it.
- Ted: You think you might want to... drink the milk?
- Lily: No. Nope, I'm good. I don't need any milk.
- Marshall Eriksen: Look, guys, I know milk is important - it's got vitamin A, vitamin D, it's a great way to start the morning - but Ted just had a huge date!
- Barney Stinson: This feud goes so far back, I don't even remember who fired the first shot.
- Marshall Eriksen: You?
- Barney Stinson: Totally!