Owen Wilson credited as playing...
Drillbit Taylor
- Drillbit Taylor: I'm Drillbit Taylor... US Army ranger, black-ops operative, decorated marksman, improvised weapons expert.
- Wade: Are you still in the military?
- Drillbit Taylor: I was discharged - unauthorized heroism.
- [from trailer]
- Drillbit Taylor: [from trailer] Now in addition to the Chinese Kung Fu we've got a little Mexican Judo, as in 'Judon't know who you messin' with, homz.'
- Drillbit Taylor: You'd be surprised, anything can be turned into a weapon of mayhem or destruction.
- Emmit: Even a puppy?
- Drillbit Taylor: Especially a puppy. The Germans used em' in World War I. De Hundin Schtorman, Lightning Dog. They'd attach dynamite to them, Rommel did it, jerry bastard...
- Drillbit Taylor: Godammit, I'm sick of getting hit by this kid.
- Ryan: C'mon, Drillbit, kick his ass.
- Drillbit Taylor: I can't, he's a minor.
- Kid: No, he's not. He's 18.
- Ryan: Now, we're more screwed than ever. All because you wanted to protect the hobbit over here.
- Drillbit Taylor: Hey, let's just stop for a second.
- Emmit: I'm not a hobbit!
- Ryan: You're a damn hobbit, okay?
- Emmit: I'm not!
- Drillbit Taylor: Hold it! Hey, Emmit's not a hobbit, okay? I don't think.
- Wade: It's been great having someone around who, like, likes me, and isn't making fun of me or telling me to join the football team, like my step-dad.
- Drillbit Taylor: Just do your best. Be all you can be. What's the Army always say? "Have it your way."
- Wade: I think that's... Burger King.
- Drillbit Taylor: Where do you think *they* got it from?
- [they both start to chuckle]
- Drillbit Taylor: [in the teacher's lounge] Why don't we meet back here. Okay?
- Lisa: Okay. I'll keep the couch warm.
- Drillbit Taylor: Check the tags and make sure this couch is flame retardant. You know what I mean? Flame retardant? Because you're hot.
- Drillbit Taylor: So, what's the story? Who do you guys need protection from?
- Ryan: Should be easy for you. Just a high school bully.
- Drillbit Taylor: Yeah. Run into a few of those in my life... What did you do to provoke him?
- Wade: [motioning to Ryan, then Emmit] He's fat, he's a dork, and I'm awesome.
- Ryan: Oh, shut up, Wade!
- Drillbit Taylor: By "awesome," do you mean scared, skinny and lonely?
- Wade: Yeah.
- Drillbit Taylor: Yeah.