Paul Boocock: Dr. Jonas Venture Sr. • Subway Bum • Taxi Driver • ...
Twenty Years to Midnight
The Venture Bros.
Paul Boocock credited as playing...
Dr. Jonas Venture Sr. • Subway Bum • Taxi Driver • Impossible Computer
- Dr. Jonas Venture: Look, I'm not really your father, OK? I'm an alien who was sent here at this appointed time to kill that guy, because he would have destroyed all life as you know it. I took the form of your dad, because I figured it would be easier to accept. I didn't want to stress you out. End of the world, life on other planets, blah blah blah...
- Dr. Venture: Why, you son of a BITCH! Do you know what you just put me through? What the fuck where you thinking? What kind of fucked up planet are you from, where you think showing up as my dead fucking father is supposed to make me feel any better?
- Dr. Jonas Venture: Okay, take it easy...
- Dr. Venture: You prick!
- Dr. Jonas Venture: Look, I just save your entire plane...
- Dr. Venture: PRICK!
- Dr. Jonas Venture: All right, fine! You wanna see? Here!
- ["Jonas" removes his face, which we don't see as the camera cuts to a reaction shot of the horrified response of the assembled characters]
- Dr. Jonas Venture: There! That would've been better, if I'd shown up like that out of nowhere? Look at you, you practically crapped your pants!
- [points to Ned]
- Dr. Jonas Venture: Except him, he crapped his pants!
- Ned: Boom boom!
- Dr. Jonas Venture: We know what we're doing up there, okay? So don't second guess me! Just get in your little plane, go back to your little lives, and thank your lucky stars someone in this universe is looking out for you! Ungrateful little half-monkeys!
- Dean Venture: Um, bye.
- Dr. Jonas Venture: Whatever!
- [leaves]
- Dr. Venture: [crying] Where have you been for the past twenty years? Why haven't you contacted me? How can you just leave me all alone?
- Dr. Jonas Venture: Oh Rusty. You were never alone. Those stars - Well, okay, you can't see them right now because we're in the city - but those stars, they're always watching us.
- The Grand Inquisitor: [cab pulls up] GOOD NEWS SAMPLE SUBJECTS OF EARTH! THE GLORIOUS MOMENT OF JUDGMENT IS UPON YOU!
- Taxi Driver: Hey stretch, it says 20 on the meter!
- The Grand Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!
- Dr. Jonas Venture Jr.: Who the hell is that?
- Dr. Venture: [groans] Just... just ignore him.
- Dr. Jonas Venture: [From a video screen] Hello, Rusty! It's your father.
- Dean Venture: It's Grandpa! He's alive!
- Hank Venture: [leans in to the screen] And trapped... In the Phantom Zone!
- [Dr. Venture pulls his away from the screen]
- Hank Venture: I was just kidding. Jeez, I'm not a 'tard.
- Dr. Jonas Venture: I knew you'd find this tape. You were always such a little video buff.
- Dr. Venture: Once! I told him once I wanted to make videos. Next thing you know, every holiday, it's cameras, how-to books...
- Hank Venture: So, yeah, pop? I've been meaning to tell you: I'm not really that into neckerchiefs.
- Dean Venture: You wear them well!
- Dr. Venture: Shh! Wait. Shh! What'd he say? Go back!
- [rewinds tape]
- Dr. Jonas Venture: What I have to tell you is a matter of the gravest importance, Rusty. It has to do with those mysterious deep-space radio signals. You know! The ones I received back when you were just a boy?
- Dr. Jonas Venture: [flasback sequence] What... does it mean?
- Young Rusty: [jumping around on the floor] You can't walk on the red ones 'cause they're lava!
- Dr. Jonas Venture: Shh! Rusty, please!
- [flashback ends]
- Dr. Jonas Venture: Well, after ten long years, I've finally translated the broadcasts! I found something extraordinary! A message from far across time and space, addressed to me, personally! It has to do with my latest invention, the greatest of my career, or anyone's, which I completed only a week ago!
- Dr. Venture: Mmm! Cha-ching! Turn it up, I smell money!
- Dr. Jonas Venture: They warned me that mankind was still too immature to be trusted with it! They told me to dismantle it before it got into the wrong hands! But they also told me that the fate of the planet hinged upon my being activated once. That's why I've scattered the main components in secret locations across the globe! So no one...
- [a loud noise is heard off screen]
- Dr. Jonas Venture: Someone's coming! They know!
- [screen fades to static]
- Dr. Jonas Venture: Ha ha ha! False alarm! Okay, get a pen.
- Dr. Venture: Where are you going?
- Dr. Jonas Venture: Where you can't follow, Rusty.
- Dr. Venture: Don't go. There's so much I want to ask you, so many unanswered questions.
- Dean Venture: Like, what's that big yellow thing in Pop's lab do?
- Hank Venture: Yeah, and if you drop a penny from the Empire State Building does it go through your whole body or...
- Dr. Venture: Boys, quiet! I'm trying to have a family moment here!