Dulé Hill: Burton Guster

Forget Me Not

Burton Guster

Shawn Spencer: [pretending to read Trish's lips] I can't fight it any longer, Father. I love Shawn. I am in love with Shawn.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: [pretending to read Cpt. Connors' lips] Stop pretending to be insane, Daughter.
Shawn Spencer: "Daughter"? He calls her "Daughter"?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: You know you belong with Gus. He's smarter and funnier. Plus he has abs like Bruce Lee.
Shawn Spencer: Ok, if we're gonna play the lip reading game we have to say things that are at least believable.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I am.
Shawn Spencer: Abs like Bruce Lee?

[in front of a caged mountain lion]
Shawn Spencer: [deep voice] Simba, I am your father.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I don't think Mufasa said that.
Shawn Spencer: Eh, Mufasa, Vader, "I'm Not Rappaport"... it's all James Earl Jones.

Burton 'Gus' Guster: What are you doing? We don't know anything about delivering warthog babies.
Shawn Spencer: Ah, babies are babies. You just have to pull them out at the right time. The real question is, are you allergic to placenta?
[cut to Gus running from an enclosure]
Burton 'Gus' Guster: My eyes! My eyes!
[vomits in a nearby trash can]

[Shawn and Gus are trying to sneak into the Crocker party]
Edna Crocker: Excuse me, where are your badges?
Shawn Spencer: Oh, I don't need a badge. I'm the event planner.
Edna Crocker: The event planner's a woman.
Shawn Spencer: Yeah, I'm her assistant...
Edna Crocker: Also a woman.
Shawn Spencer: ...to the assistant.
Edna Crocker: I'm calling security.
Shawn Spencer: Oh, no, no, no! You don't need to do that.
Edna Crocker: Don't tell me what I need to do. The rules are very strict here.
Shawn Spencer: Really, you're going to let your bosses run you around like that? Going to let the man hold you down? These freak bastards with their rules and regulations... You're a human person. You need to rise up and tell them to go to hell! We can all do it together. Let us empower you.
Edna Crocker: I'm Edna Crocker...and you're one minute away from a squad car ride.
[beat]
Shawn Spencer: [to Gus] Probably ought to let this one go.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Yeah.

Shawn Spencer: [about the mountain lion] Relax. I love cats, and it's been proven that cats love me.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Well, *this* cat loves to eat people.

Burton 'Gus' Guster: Shawn, in case you're confused, "closed" means "go away, stay out".
Shawn Spencer: Yes, in the negative language dictionary, which is clearly the only edition you own. But in the positive language edition, "closed" means "Come in, step over the chain. There's so many less people to trample all over what you're looking for!"

Burton 'Gus' Guster: You really think you could track the animal?
Shawn Spencer: Perhaps you've forgotten about my extensive experience with the Native Americans, a proud and solvent people.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Working at the Flaming Tomahawk?
Shawn Spencer: So you do remember.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Shawn, you were a greeter. In the casino. For a week.
Shawn Spencer: And the only non-Native American to be awarded an eagle feather. Always remember that, Gus.