Clark Gregg credited as playing...
Agent Phil Coulson
- Agent Phil Coulson: [via phone] Mr Stark, we need to talk.
- Tony Stark: You have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark, please leave a message.
- Agent Phil Coulson: This is urgent.
- Tony Stark: Then leave it urgently.
- [Coulson enters Stark's penthouse, hanging up his cellphone]
- Tony Stark: Security breach.
- Tony Stark: [to Pepper] That's on you.
- Agent Phil Coulson: Mr Stark.
- Pepper Potts: Phil! Come in.
- Tony Stark: "Phil?" Uh, his first name is "Agent."
- Agent Phil Coulson: You're at 114 Solenski Plaza, 3rd floor. We have an F-22 exactly eight miles out. Put the woman on the phone or I will blow up the block before you can make the lobby.
- [Luchkov, intimidated, puts the phone between Natasha's ear and shoulder]
- Agent Phil Coulson: We need you to come in.
- Natasha Romanoff: [tied to a chair] Are you kidding? I'm working.
- Agent Phil Coulson: This takes precedence.
- Natasha Romanoff: I'm in the middle of an interrogation. This moron is giving me everything.
- Georgi Luchkov: [to his cohorts] I don't... give everything.
- Natasha Romanoff: Look, you can't pull me out of this right now
- Agent Phil Coulson: Natasha, Barton's been compromised.
- Natasha Romanoff: Let me put you on hold.
- [Phil patiently holds while Natasha whips butt]
- Thor: We on Asgard pretend that we are more advanced, but we, we come here battling like Bilgesnipe.
- Agent Phil Coulson: Like what?
- Thor: The Bilgesnipe, you know; huge, scaly, big antlers. You don't have those?
- Agent Phil Coulson: Don't think so.
- Thor: They are repulsive, and they trample everything in their path.
- Natasha Romanoff: [on the phone] Where is Barton now?
- Agent Phil Coulson: We don't know.
- Natasha Romanoff: But he's alive?
- Agent Phil Coulson: We think so. I'll brief you on everything when you get back. But first, we need you to talk to the big guy.
- Natasha Romanoff: Coulson, you know that Stark trusts me about as far as he can throw me.
- Agent Phil Coulson: Oh, I've got Stark. You get the big guy.
- Natasha Romanoff: [realizing he means Bruce Banner, stops dead in her tracks] Bozhe moi.
- [Russian for 'My God']
- Agent Phil Coulson: You're gonna lose.
- Loki: Am I?
- Agent Phil Coulson: It's in your nature.
- Loki: Your heroes are scattered, your floating fortress falls from the sky... where is my disadvantage?
- Agent Phil Coulson: You lack conviction.
- Loki: I don't think I...
- [Coulson shoots Loki with his BFG, causing Loki to be blown through the wall behind him]
- Agent Phil Coulson: So that's what it does.
- Pepper Potts: Come on in. We're celebrating.
- Tony Stark: Which is why he can't stay.
- [flashes Coulson phony smile]
- Agent Phil Coulson: We need you to look this over as soon as possible.
- Tony Stark: I don't like being handed things...
- Pepper Potts: [cuts Tony off] That's fine, because I love to be handed things.
- [Pepper exchanges her champagne glass for Coulson's tablet]
- Pepper Potts: So, let's trade.
- [She takes Tony's champagne and gives him the tablet]
- Pepper Potts: Thank you.
- Tony Stark: [to Coulson] Official consulting hours are between 8 and 5 every other Thursday.
- [In a Quinjet, Agent Coulson walks to Steve Rogers who is seated and looks at Bruce Banner's file on his laptop]
- Steve Rogers: So this Doctor Banner was trying to replicate the serum that was used on me?
- Agent Phil Coulson: A lot of people were. You were the world's first superhero. Banner thought gamma radiation might hold the key to unlocking Erskine's original formula.
- [Steve watches the footage of the Hulk's attack on the Army at Culver University and the Hulk roars with fury as he slams a jeep apart]
- Steve Rogers: Didn't really go his way, did it?
- Agent Phil Coulson: Not so much. When he's not that thing though, guy's like a Stephen Hawking.
- [Steve looks puzzled, not understanding the reference]
- Agent Phil Coulson: He's like a smart person. I gotta say, it's an honor to meet you, officially. I sort of met you, I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping. I mean, I was... I was present while you were unconscious from the ice. You know, it's really, it's just a... just a huge honor to have you on board.
- Steve Rogers: Well, I hope I'm the man for the job.
- Agent Phil Coulson: Oh, you are. Absolutely. Uh... we've made some modifications to the uniform. I had a little design input.
- Steve Rogers: The uniform? Aren't the stars and stripes a little... old-fashioned?
- Agent Phil Coulson: With everything that's happening, the things that are about to come to light, people might just need a little old-fashioned.
- [Nick Fury and Dr. Bruce Banner shake hands]
- Nick Fury: Doctor, thank you for coming.
- Bruce Banner: Thanks for asking nicely. So, uh... how long am I staying?
- Nick Fury: Once we get our hands on the Tesseract, you're in the clear.
- Bruce Banner: Where are you with that?
- [Nick Fury turns to Agent Coulson to explain, while Natasha Romanoff eyes an image of Clint Barton on a computer screen]
- Agent Phil Coulson: We're sweeping every wirelessly accessible camera on the planet. Cell phones, laptops. If it's connected to a satellite, it's eyes and ears for us.
- Natasha Romanoff: That's still not gonna find them in time.
- Bruce Banner: You have to narrow the field. How many spectrometers do you have access to?
- Nick Fury: How many are there?
- Bruce Banner: Call every lab you know, tell them to put the spectrometers on the roof and calibrate them for gamma rays. I'll rough out a tracking algorithm based on cluster recognition. At least we could rule out a few places. Do you have somewhere for me to work?
- Nick Fury: Agent Romanoff, would you show Dr. Banner to his laboratory, please.
- [Natasha nods and walks off, leading Banner down the hall]
- Natasha Romanoff: You're gonna love it, Doc. We got all the toys.
- [Nick Fury goes over to the fatally-wounded Coulson]
- Agent Phil Coulson: I'm sorry, boss. The god rabbited.
- Nick Fury: Just stay awake. Eyes on me.
- Agent Phil Coulson: No. I'm clocked out here.
- Nick Fury: Not an option.
- Agent Phil Coulson: It's okay, boss. This was never going to work... if they didn't have something... to...
- [Agent Coulson looks away and sighs his last breath. Nick Fury looks on grimly at Coulson]
- Nick Fury: Agent Coulson is down.
- Unknown SHIELD Agent: Paramedics are on their way.
- Nick Fury: They're already here.
- [Maria Hill listens on her headset, as do Captain America and Iron Man from another room]
- Nick Fury: They called it.
- Loki: The humans think us immortal. Should we test that?
- [as Loki is about to send Thor out of sight, Phil Coulson enters, knocking a bad guy out. He's holding a very large gun]
- Agent Phil Coulson: Move away, please. You like this? We started working on the prototype after you sent the Destroyer. Even I don't know what it does.
- [fires his very large gun up]
- Agent Phil Coulson: Do you want to find out?
- [gets impaled in the back by Loki]
- Thor: [pounds on prison glass] NOOOO!
- [Coulson falls to his ground, dying]
- Nick Fury: Coulson, get back to base. This is a Level Seven. As of right now, we are at war.
- Agent Phil Coulson: What do we do?
- Agent Phil Coulson: [watching Jane Foster in a monitor] As soon as Loki took the doctor we moved Jane Foster. We've got an excellent observatory in Tromsø. She was asked to consult there very suddenly yesterday. Handsome fee, private plane, very remote. She'll be safe.
- Thor: Thank you. It's no accident Loki taking Erik Selvig. I dread what he plans for him once he's done. Erik is a good man.
- Agent Phil Coulson: He talks about you a lot. You changed his life. You changed everything around here.
- Thor: They were better as they were. We pretend on Asgard that we're more advanced, but we come here battling like Bildschneip.
- Agent Phil Coulson: [confused] Like what?
- Thor: Bildschneip. You know, huge, scaly, big antlers. You don't have those?
- Agent Phil Coulson: [shaking his head] No.
- Thor: Huh! Well they are repulsive, and they trample everything in their path.