Hugh Laurie credited as playing...
Dr. Gregory House
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Where's Cuddy?
- Dr. Gregory House: In this drawer. It's a rescue mission, but I got it under control. You can leave.
- Maddy Ralphean: [to House] I'm 4' 1". That's 1.5 canes in metric.
- Dr. Gregory House: You don't look a day over four feet. I saw in the file that her dad was normal size.
- Maddy Ralphean: It's average-sized.
- Dr. Gregory House: Compared to you, I'm sure he was huge. Did he have a fetish or did he just fall in love with your long-legged soul?
- Maddy Ralphean: He grew up in the circus. Said I reminded him of home. Seems like you're the one with the fetish.
- Dr. Gregory House: Certainly curious about the logistics. Did you stand on a table?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: House!
- Maddy Ralphean: Pretty much, he'd lay flat and spin me.
- Abigail Ralphean: Mom...
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Abigail when she refuses to take growth hormones] You like needing help when you want something off the high shelf? Not being able to press an elevator button above the eighth floor, having to smell ass every time you stand in line? You don't need growth hormone. It's just your ticket out of the freak show.
- Dr. Gregory House: Gold star for Cameron. For extra credit, explain to the special needs section of the class why our patient's negative TB test is irrelevant.
- Maddy Ralphean: I've dealt with worse. Being different, you get used to people's idiocy. Still beats the hell out of actually being an idiot.
- [House smiles]
- Maddy Ralphean: What?
- Dr. Gregory House: Care to go for a spin?
- Dr. James Wilson: [with his rather one-track mind] How many pills have you taken?
- Dr. Gregory House: Not nearly as many as I'm gonna take. Forgotten how delicious they were.
- Maddy Ralphean: [to House] My daughter and I both have cartilage hair hypoplasia. Think you can make a pun out of that?
- Dr. Gregory House: Yes, but I don't want to be insensitive.
- [to Cuddy]
- Dr. Gregory House: She's got a bit of a short fuse, hasn't she?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [to House] You just don't want a cancer diagnosis because then you'd have to deal with Wilson.
- Dr. Gregory House: Lung cancer is a lame diagnosis. Avoiding Wilson is an added bonus.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: House, you're off the case. Your treatment privileges are suspended until you accept Tritter's deal.
- Dr. Gregory House: Well, I'm obviously not going to take the deal just so I can have the fun of treating a dwarf, so I assume there's more to this threat.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I'm also cutting off your Vicodin.
- Dr. Gregory House: That could work.
- Maddy Ralphean: [to House] If my daughter doesn't want to choose the easy path, I won't force her to.
- Dr. Gregory House: Then you're a lousy mom. You want your daughter to be a freak.
- Maddy Ralphean: We're not freaks.
- Dr. Gregory House: [sighs] You want her to overcome adversity.
- Maddy Ralphean: Yes.
- Dr. Gregory House: Then why stop at height? Poke a stick in her eye. Imagine how interesting she'll be then.
- Dr. Gregory House: [House starts to slam his door; Cuddy blocks it with her arm] Give me my pills or lose an arm.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: The girl is dying!
- Dr. Gregory House: So give me my pills.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Take the deal and I will.
- Dr. Gregory House: You'd rather kill this girl than give me my pills.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I would rather lose one patient now than the dozens we would lose while you're in prison.
- Dr. Gregory House: Well, have fun explaining that to her itsy-bitsy grieving mother.
- [House slams the door]
- Michael Tritter: [to House] I spoke with the DA. He agreed to two months in a rehab facility in exchange for a guilty plea.
- Dr. Gregory House: Get out of my office.
- Dr. James Wilson: No jail time.
- Dr. Gregory House: Right, so I should get locked up in some place I don't belong in order to avoid getting locked up in some other place I don't belong.
- Dr. James Wilson: [to House] You punched out an employee, you nearly cut a little girl in half because you were too strung out...
- Dr. Gregory House: I was in pain! You need to believe that I've got a problem so that your betrayal has the illusion of nobility, but you just selfishly...
- Michael Tritter: Knock it off. Look, I don't care why Dr. Wilson is doing this and right now, it makes no difference to you either. You need to deal with the reality of your current situation. You want to stand on principle, you end up in a cell and you end up never practicing medicine again. So you got two choices: your principles or your life.
- Dr. Gregory House: Get out of my office.
- Michael Tritter: [shakes his head] The DA put a clock on the deal. You got three days to decide.