Tina Fey credited as playing...
Liz Lemon
- Liz Lemon: We need to fire Lutz.
- Pete Hornberger: What? Why? What happened?
- Liz Lemon: He called me the worst name ever.
- Frank Rossitano: What did he call you?
- Liz Lemon: I'm not gonna repeat it. That's how much I hate it.
- Pete Hornberger: Fat can?
- Liz Lemon: No.
- Frank Rossitano: Mouth hooker?
- Liz Lemon: No.
- Frank Rossitano: Monster bitch.
- Pete Hornberger: Hatchet face.
- Liz Lemon: No!
- Liz Lemon: [bursts into Jack's office] Oh, hey - false alarm! It turns out she *asked* him to take it out.
- Jack Donaghy: Liz, all the VPs will be angling to golf with Don Geiss, but my partner will be Tracy Jordan, his grandchildren's favorite movie star. Geiss will absolutely choose us, and that's a big deal because being in a foursome with this man can change your life.
- Liz Lemon: You might want to rephrase that.
- [Liz comes upon Greta's box of kittens]
- Liz Lemon: [excitedly] Look at these guys!
- Greta Johanssen: Yeah, they like you! They're very good at sensing debilitating loneliness in a person.
- Pete Hornberger: You're just in reaction right now. You need to just take a few hours and calm down.
- Liz Lemon: Don't tell me to calm down, you fungdark.
- Pete Hornberger: Yeah, you're right; it doesn't work.
- Pete Hornberger: Oh, I get it. You're trying to be nice now 'cause of what Lutz said.
- Liz Lemon: No, I'm not trying to be nice. I *am* nice. I'm a nice person, you bald, gangly -
- [clears throat]
- Liz Lemon: [pleasantly] I'm gonna try harder. I'm gonna try to be nice.
- [Toofer's cell phone rings]
- Toofer: Oh, oh, I'm so sorry, Liz; I'm so sorry. I thought I turned it off.
- Liz Lemon: No, Toofer, take the call. Come on; this isn't Hitler's bunker. That would make me Hitler!
- [everyone looks]
- Liz Lemon: What? This is the new me. Do you like the new me? And before you answer, Super Balls!
- [discussing the word Lutz called Liz]
- Pete Hornberger: Well, you know, he was probably just blowing off steam. You can't fire a guy for cursing.
- Liz Lemon: No, I - I'm not upset by cursing. I *love* cursing. I love it! But this word is not acceptable - no - because there's nothing you can call a guy back. There is no male equivalent to this word.
- Pete Hornberger: Well, why don't we come up with one, and then you can call him that? Like, um, "muncus."
- Frank Rossitano: "Fungdark."
- [discussing the word Lutz called Liz]
- Liz Lemon: The one that rhymes with the name of your favorite Todd Rundgren album.
- Frank Rossitano: It rhymes with "Hermit of Mink Hollow"?
- Liz Lemon: No!
- Pete Hornberger: Oh! Oh, boy.
- Liz Lemon: [after flashbacks] Oh, my God, I am! I'm a total...
- Greta Johanssen: Runt! Runt! I lost my kitten. Has anyone seen my runt?