Martin Freeman: Bilbo

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Bilbo

Bilbo Baggins: Good morning.
Gandalf: What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning. Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?
Bilbo Baggins: All of them at once, I suppose.

Bilbo Baggins: I have... I have never used a sword in my life.
Gandalf: And I hope you never have to. But if you do, remember this: true courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one.

Gandalf: Well, why does it matter? He's back!
Thorin Oakenshield: It matters. I want to know - why did you come back?
Bilbo Baggins: Look, I know you doubt me, I know you always have. And you're right. I often think of Bag End. I miss my books. And my armchair. And my garden. See, that's where I belong. That's home. That's why I came back, 'cause you don't have one. A home. It was taken from you. But I will help you take it back if I can.

Balin: It's just the usual; summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth.
Bilbo Baggins: Funeral arrangements?
[reads contract]
Bilbo Baggins: Oh, up to but not exceeding one fourteenth total profit if any. Seems fair. Present company shall not be liable for injuries including but not limited to laceration, evisceration... incineration?
Bofur: Oh, aye. He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye.
Balin: You all right, laddie?
Bilbo Baggins: Yeah, I'll be. Feel a bit faint
Bofur: Think furnace, with wings.
Bilbo Baggins: Yeah, I-I-I need air
Bofur: Flash of light, searing pain, then poof, you're nothing more than a pile of ash.
Bilbo Baggins: [long pause] Nope.
[faints]
Gandalf: Very helpful, Bofur.

Gandalf: I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure.
Bilbo Baggins: An adventure? No, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner.

Gollum: Is he lost?
Bilbo Baggins: Yes, yes, and I want to get unlost... as soon as possible!
Gollum: Oh! We knows! We knows safe paths for hobbitses! Safe paths in the dark... SHUT UP!
Bilbo Baggins: I didn't say anything...
Gollum: Wasn't talking to you!

Gandalf: The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there.
Bilbo Baggins: I can't just go running off into the blue! I am a Baggins of Bag End!
Gandalf: You are also a Took. Did you know that your Great-Great-Great-Great Uncle Bullroarer Took was so large he could ride a real horse?
Bilbo Baggins: Yes.
Gandalf: Well he could! In the Battle of Greenfields, he charged the Goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard it knocked the Goblin King's head cleaned off and it sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus the battle was won and the game of golf invented at the same time.
Bilbo Baggins: I do believe you made that up.
Gandalf: Well, all good stories deserve embellishment. You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back.
Bilbo Baggins: ...Can you promise that I will come back?
Gandalf: No. And if you do... you will not be the same.

Thorin Oakenshield: And I am sorry for doubting you.
Bilbo Baggins: No, it's fine. I would have doubted me too. I'm not a hero, or a warrior...
[looks up at Gandalf]
Bilbo Baggins: ... Not even a burglar.

Bilbo Baggins: Why don't we have a game of riddles... Just, just you and me.
Gollum: [comes towards Bilbo; as Friendly Gollum] Just... Just us?
Bilbo Baggins: Yes... Yes! And if I win, you...
[gestures]
Bilbo Baggins: ...You show me the way out, yes?
Gollum: [nods] Yes, Yes...
[Gollum's pupils narrow as he becomes Treacherous Gollum. He growls as he back into the shadows; Bilbo looks uneasy]
Gollum: [sinister whisper] And if it loses... what then?
[Gollum blinks; as Friendly Gollum]
Gollum: Well... if it loses, Precious. then we EATS it!
[Gollum giggles sinisterly; then he turns to Bilbo]
Gollum: [casually] And if Baggins loses, then we eats it whole.
[Gollum smiles and shrugs]
Bilbo Baggins: [after a long pause] Fair enough.

[Bilbo attempts to sneak out of the cave while the company sleeps but is stopped by Bofur]
Bofur: Where do you think you're going?
Bilbo Baggins: Back to Rivendell.
Bofur: No. No. You can't turn back now. You're part of the company. You're one of us.
Bilbo Baggins: I'm not now, am I? Thorin said I should have never have come and he was right. I'm not a Took, I'm a Baggins. I don't know what I was thinking. I should never have run out my door.
Bofur: You're homesick. I understand.
Bilbo Baggins: No you don't. You don't understand. None of you do. You're Dwarves. You're use to this life, to living on the road, never settling in one place, not belonging anywhere!
Bilbo Baggins: [Bofur's expression falls and immediately Bilbo realizes he has gone too far] I'my sorry, I didn't...
Bofur: [Bofur nods his head and looks around at the sleeping company] No you're right. We don't belong anywhere.
Bofur: I wish you all the luck in the world. I really do.
[He smiles and pats Bilbo's arm]

Dori: Mr. Gandalf, can't you do something about this deluge?
Gandalf: It is raining, Master dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done. If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard.
Bilbo Baggins: Are there any?
Gandalf: What?
Bilbo Baggins: Other wizards?
Gandalf: There are five of us. The greatest of our order is Saruman the White. And then there are the two Blue Wizards... You know, I've quite forgotten their names.
Bilbo Baggins: And the fifth?
Gandalf: Well, that would be Radagast the Brown.
Bilbo Baggins: Is he a great wizard, or is he more like you?
Gandalf: Well, I think he is a very great wizard... in his own way. He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals for others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the East, and a good thing too. For always evil will look to find a foothold in this world.

Bilbo Baggins: [as Dwarves start musically banging cutlery on the tables] Careful! You'll blunt them!
Bofur: [Amused] Oh, did you hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives!
Dwarves: [Gleefully singing] Blunt the knives! Bend the forks! Smash the bottles and burn the corks! Chip the glasses and crack the plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!

Bilbo Baggins: [to the trolls, about cooking the dwarves] Well, I mean, have you smelled them? You're going to need something a lot stronger than sage before you can plate this lot up!

[as the trolls are roasting half a dozen of the dwarves on a spit over a fire]
Bilbo Baggins: Wait, wait! You are making a terrible mistake!
Bert Troll: Eh?
Dori: You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!
Bofur: Half-wits? What does that make us?