- Milhouse Van Houten: Trust me, Bart. It's better you walk in on both parents than to walk in on just one.
- Marge Simpson: Bartholomew J. Simpson, how can you be so mean?
- Bart Simpson: What are you going to do about it?
- [Marge hits Bart on his head with a wooden spoon]
- Bart Simpson: Hey!
- Marge Simpson: I'll whack you with a whole salad set if you don't start thinking of others. You are going to that party!
- Bart Simpson: Mom, I can't go. No one else is.
- Marge Simpson: Well if no one else jumped off the Empire State Building would you not jump?
- Bart Simpson: [confused pause] ... Kind of?
- [first lines]
- Lisa Simpson: Mom, Bart's drinking coffee!
- Bart Simpson: It's not coffee, it's hot Pepsi.
- Marge Simpson: Dear Lord, we thank you for the sexual intimacy we are about to enjoy.
- Homer Simpson: And, as always, have fun watching.
- Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson: Go, lovemaking!
- Homer Simpson: There, now she'll never have to know about death until it strikes someone close to her.
- Abe Simpson: People say bullies are cowards. Well, they're wrong. Bullies are brave because they're strong.
- Homer Simpson: Don't you say his name! In your mouth it comes out like filth. No man should outlive his fictional wizard. No man.
- Martin Prince: Individually we are weak, like a single twig, but as a bundle we form a mighty faggot.