Marin Hinkle credited as playing...
Judith Harper
- Judith: Make this stop!
- Alan Harper: I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean.
- Judith: Don't screw with me! Tell your ex-wife to stop flirting with my fiancee!
- Alan Harper: That's funny. The way I see it, your peanut butter is all over my chocolate.
- Judith: Damn it, Alan! I can make your life a living hell!
- Alan Harper: How would I know the difference?
- Alan Harper: Judith, you want your man, you fight for him!
- Judith: [points at Kandi] How can I compete with *that*?
- Alan Harper: There's no competition! Herb loves you! You're in a mature, sophisticated relationship based on mutual respect! All Kandi has is...
- [watches Herb stare at Kandi]
- Alan Harper: There'll be other men.
- [Alan opens Jake's room]
- Judith, Herb: [offscreen] WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
- Alan Harper: Judith, what the hell are you doing?
- Judith: You told me to fight for my man, I'm fighting for my man!
- Herb: Alan, would you please close the door?
- [Alan complies]
- Alan Harper: Twelve years of marriage, she never fought for *me* from that angle...
- Herb: Honey, we've got a long drive ahead of us. We're spending the holidays in San Diego with my parents.
- Judith: That's why I need eggnog.
- Herb: Hey! I spent Thanksgiving with *your* parents!
- Alan Harper: Oh, really? Your mom's out of rehab?
- Judith: Yes, my mom's out of rehab.
- Herb: Actually, she kind of jumped the fence.
- Alan Harper: Well, the woman's going to be your mother-in-law. You might as well get used to it. Remember the time she rode out of Betty Ford on a lawn mower?
- [Judith glares at Alan]
- Alan Harper: On the plus side, she bakes Toll House cookies with walnuts and Demerol.