Dan Castellaneta credited as playing...
Homer Simpson • Grampa • Groundskeeper Willie • Krusty the Clown • Dark Stanley
- Groundskeeper Willie: I'll get those children dead or alive.
- Principal Skinner: Alive.
- Groundskeeper Willie: Aw, you never let Willie be Willie.
- Kid: Hey, you're one of those funny guys on the TV with the big nose.
- Krusty the Klown: A clown?
- Kid: No, a Je...
- Krusty the Klown: Joker! That's right. And I'm not a practicing joker, so I'm not offended.
- Principal Skinner: Willie. Go get those kids and bring them back!
- Groundskeeper Willie: I'll bring 'em back dead or alive!
- Principal Skinner: NOT dead.
- Groundskeeper Willie: Aww, ya never let Willie be Willie!
- Krusty the Klown: I brought the greatest American composer... this guy. What's your name?
- Stephen Sondheim: Stephen Sondheim. I know you hear this all the time, but I think you're great.
- Krusty the Klown: Well, I bet you hear this a lot: You cost me an arm and a leg, so get to work!
- Stephen Sondheim: Here's the opening number.
- Krusty the Klown: Aha... Complex harmonies... Sophisticated lyrics... Pithy observations on everyday life... What is this crap! Where's the zazz? Why don't you do what you did on Cats?
- Stephen Sondheim: I didn't write Cats.
- Krusty the Klown: Oh, no! All right, I think we can save this.
- Krusty the Klown: Let's try this. Break into a peppy vamp.
- Stephen Sondheim: Good, and I can counterpoint it with...
- Krusty the Klown: No counterpoint! Vamp! Peppy!
- Stephen Sondheim: [Starts playing] Hey, this peppy stuff is not bad. Maybe I could do that jingle for Buzz Cola.