Neil Patrick Harris credited as playing...
Barney Stinson
- Barney Stinson: [inching along at about 1 mph] This isn't right... God never meant for us to travel at such breakneck speeds.
- Ted Mosby: Relax, you're doing great. Ignore the old lady on the Rascal; this isn't a race.
- Barney Stinson: *Guh* Dude! A dog!
- Ted Mosby: Zitch-dog! Yes! One-Nothing.
- Barney Stinson: Crap! Whaddo I do? Tell me what to do, Ted.
- Ted Mosby: Step on the brake... Some time in the next twenty minutes...
- Barney Stinson: Which... Which one's the brake again?
- Ted Mosby: The left one.
- Barney Stinson: Left. Left. Oh man, left. I'm totally blanking!
- Ted Mosby: Just make the "L's" with your hands.
- Barney Stinson: Ooooh! We're not gonna make it!
- [Radio turns on]
- Barney Stinson: Wah!
- Ted Mosby: Why did you just turn on the radio?
- Barney Stinson: I DON'T KNOW WHY I TURNED ON THE RADIO! We're gonna die, tell me what to do Ted!
- Ted Mosby: Relax, you're being crazy!
- Barney Stinson: Help me Ted!
- Ted Mosby: Stop, drop, and roll.
- Barney Stinson: Be serious! Stop, drop and roll? Just tell me what to do. Just tell me what to do!
- Ted Mosby: Throw me the idol, I'll throw you the whip. Screaming is fun! Screaming is fuuuuuuun!
- [Both scream]
- Barney Stinson: Uh! I cant move. I can't... I can't feel my... Uh... We're okay...
- Ted Mosby: We're okay.
- Barney Stinson: It's a MIRACLE, Ted!
- Lily Aldrin: So you made a life changing decision to not change your life at all.
- Barney Stinson: True story.
- Ted Mosby: [Narrating the story of his and Marshall's road trip] Then Marshall; who was so busy cheating at Zitch-dog got us totally lost.
- Marshall Eriksen: Where the hell are we?
- Marshall Eriksen: [Narrating] Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I think you skipped something.
- Barney Stinson: Really? Seems impossible
- Ted Mosby: [Back to the road trip] Hey, we got some time. What dpoyou say we get off the highway; take the road less traveled... ya know? Robert Frost.
- Marshall Eriksen: Doesn't seem like a smart idea.
- Ted Mosby: Too late, I'm taking this exit... who's not fun enough now Karen.
- Marshall Eriksen: [Narrating] *Then* we got lost.
- Barney Stinson: How's the Fiero?
- Marshall Eriksen: She's still in triage.
- Ted Mosby: Wait a minute, she? I thought it was your little boy.
- Lily Aldrin: It goes back and forth. It's like a trannie car.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Sounds like you had quite an accident.
- Ted Mosby: Actually, two accidents, if you count...
- Barney Stinson: Homina, homina, homina!
- Ted Mosby: That trip is when Marshall and I became best friends.
- Barney Stinson: With privileges, from the sound of it.
- Marshall Eriksen: Arrivederci, Fiero. You were the freakin' Giving Tree of cars.
- Lily Aldrin: May you rust in peace.
- Barney Stinson: Rot in Hell, devil steed.