Jack McBrayer credited as playing...
Kenneth Parcell
- Jack Donaghy: Good God; Devon is gay. He's even more powerful than I thought.
- Liz Lemon: [facetiously] Maybe you should seduce him and get him to tell you all his secret plans.
- [cut to Kenneth sitting in front of Jack's desk]
- Kenneth Parcell: So, Mr. Donaghy, what can I do for you?
- [Jack wants a naïve Kenneth to gather intelligence about Devon Banks]
- Jack Donaghy: You should get to know Devon; tell him all of your television ideas. You know, he started off as a page, just like you.
- Kenneth Parcell: Really? So did I!
- Kenneth Parcell: And I have an idea for a show about a teacher named Art. I call that one "Art School." And one about a Jewish guy who opens an ice cream parlor. That one's called "Ice Cream Cohen." And a drama about two cops, one named Cash and one named Carry. I don't have a title for that one. But then also...
- Devon Banks: Kenneth, can I offer you a libation? I have champagne, vodka, absinthe
- Kenneth Parcell: Fruit punch, please.
- Devon Banks: Right. You'll excuse me. I'll go slip into something a little more comfortable.
- Kenneth Parcell: Like in the movies!
- [reads questions Jack has prepared]
- Kenneth Parcell: So Mr. Banks, what brings you to New York?
- Devon Banks: Oh, just making the rounds.
- Kenneth Parcell: Hmm. What projects are you working on, near-slash-long term?
- Jack Donaghy: I want you to tell me everything that happened last night.
- Kenneth Parcell: The curtains open on a group of chorus line dreamers in 1970s leotards. Five...
- Jack Donaghy: Stop that. I'm not talking about the show. The only reason I sent you to Banks was to get information. Why were you telling him anything?
- Kenneth Parcell: I'm sorry, sir. I had to keep talking just to stop him from putting his fingers in my mouth.
- Jack Donaghy: Kenneth, you are the worst gay bait ever.
- Kenneth Parcell: You used me?
- Jack Donaghy: For television. Kenneth, I humiliated you for television.
- Kenneth Parcell: Like on "What's Happening?" when that man used Rerun to bootleg that Doobie Brothers concert!
- Jack Donaghy: Exactly. And I need to humiliate you again. I got a very important meeting coming up and Banks cannot be there.
- Kenneth Parcell: And you want me to kill him.
- Jack Donaghy: No. I need you to distract him. You gotta make sure he doesn't leave that hotel room tomorrow morning.
- Jack Donaghy: I'll do it. Just like Sidney Bristow on "Alias," I'll use my sexuality as a weapon. To the wig shop!