John White credited as playing...
Erik Stifler
- Mr. Stifler: Son?
- Erik Stifler: Yeah?
- Mr. Stifler: I want to show you something. This is the list of all the chicks I ever banged.
- Mike 'Cooze' Coozeman: Are you serious? Is that two-sided? It is. Nice!
- Mr. Stifler: Yeah, it's a good goal for you to try to keep up with your old man.
- Erik Stifler: Hey Dad, why isn't Mom's name the last name on the list?
- Mr. Stifler: There? Uh, we didn't tell you, but when you were three, we had a trial separation for a week.
- Erik Stifler: Trial Separation?
- Erik Stifler: Uh, Dad, there's like... Well, there's ten names here for that week alone.
- Mr. Stifler: Yeah, I went on kind of a poontang bender there.
- Mike 'Cooze' Coozeman: Is that my Mom's name?
- Mr. Stifler: Yeah, you know, on second thought I'll just kind of hang onto that.
- Erik Stifler: [whispering] You had sex with his Mom?
- Mr. Stifler: Yeah.
- Erik Stifler: [whispering] How was it?
- Mr. Stifler: Yuck.
- Dwight Stifler: Listen, college is your one chance to start over. Ok? You get to hit the reset button on life. You get to be anybody you want to be.
- Erik Stifler: I never thought about it like that before.
- [Erik chugs a beer while dancing with Julie]
- Julie: Wow! You can really put that away!
- Erik Stifler: Are you kidding me? This stuff is like water to me.
- Ashley: How're you feeling?
- Erik Stifler: Hey. Good, thanks.
- Ashley: Here, let me see.
- Erik Stifler: Oh, no. No, no. Ashley, it's... You really don't need to do anything.
- Ashley: Oh my God, Erik. You have to put something on that.
- Erik Stifler: No, it's just a little red.
- Ashley: Here, let me.
- [Ashley takes some healing gel and starts rubbing it on Erick's burn]
- Erik Stifler: It's really not necessary...
- [Erik gasps]
- Ashley: Does it hurt?
- Erik Stifler: No, it's just really cold.
- Ashley: [Ashley rubs slower] Does that feel better?
- Erik Stifler: Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
- Ashley: Wow!
- [Megan is shocked by Erik's erection through the towel]
- Erik Stifler: Oh man!
- Ashley: I didn't even touch it. Mmm. No, it's no big deal. I guess I should just take it as a compliment, right?
- Erik Stifler: I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry.
- Ashley: It's cool.
- Erik Stifler: How that cream feels good. Ash, you might wanna...
- Ashley: [Whispering] Just relax.
- Erik Stifler: [Panting] It's still hot.
- [John falls backward and his towel falls off, his semen squirts on the wall, a picture frame and a teddy bear]
- Ashley: Oh my God! Mr. Biggles!
- Dwight Stifler: Julie, this is my cousin, Erik. I just wanted you to know Erik voted for you in the Hottie Contest. And since he's like the lady's man in the family, I totally trust his taste.
- Julie: Thanks, cutie!
- Erik Stifler: You want to dance, gorgeous?
- Julie: I'd love to!
- Ashley: Wow! This is gonna take some getting used to.
- Erik Stifler: Huh? Whoa! Yeah, um, isn't this the guy's bathroom?
- Ashley: No, it's co-ed. All the dorms are like this.
- Erik Stifler: Cool. Co-ed. Yeah.
- Erik Stifler: What the hell is that? What is that thing?
- Dwight Stifler: That's the geeks taking the lead. It's time for our secret weapon. Wesley! Wesley!