Tom Kenny: Heffer Wolfe • Mr. Smitty • Fran the Newscaster • ...

An Elk for Heffer/Scrubbin' Down Under

Heffer Wolfe • Mr. Smitty • Fran the Newscaster • Announcer • Educational Film Narrator • Singer • Additional Voices

Heffer Wolfe: What's up?
Virginia Wolfe: Your father has something to tell you, dear.
George Wolfe: Sit down, son. Son, there, uh, comes a time in every boy's life when, uh...
Heffer Wolfe: Oh. Dad, is this about the birds and the bees?
George Wolfe: NO.
Heffer Wolfe: Are you sure?
George Wolfe: Yes, I'm sure!
Heffer Wolfe: 'cause if it is, I...
George Wolfe: [losing his patients] It's not about that. It's about passing from boyhood to manhood.
Heffer Wolfe: Oh, so this *is* about the...
George Wolfe: Virginia!
Heffer Wolfe: What?
Virginia Wolfe: Dear, what your father is trying to say is, you have certain tasks to perform before the pack considers you an adult.
George Wolfe: Yeah. You have to bring an elk home for dinner.
Heffer Wolfe: That's it?

Heffer Wolfe: Mom, Dad, I want you to meet Elkie.
[to Elkie]
Heffer Wolfe: Elkie, this is my family; George and Virginia and this is my brother Peter...
Peter Wolfe: All right, dinner's arrived.
Virginia Wolfe: [to Heffer] What does he mean by that?
Heffer Wolfe: I guess we ordered out.

Elkie: [whispers to Heffer] Your family are wolves?
Heffer Wolfe: Oh, I was adopted.
Elkie: [whispering] I didn't realize.
Heffer Wolfe: So, would you like to see some embarrassing pictures of me as a child?
Elkie: Sure.
[they leave the room]
George Wolfe: [whispering] VIRGINIA, SHE'S STILL ALIVE.
Virginia Wolfe: [whispering] Now, dear. Just be glad he got her here at all.
George Wolfe: Well, I think he's getting a little TOO friendly with the main course.
Virginia Wolfe: Well, Heffer's always been very fond of food.
George Wolfe: Why can't I have any normal offspring!

Peter Wolfe: [sees Heffer wearing fake antlers] Hey, Heff, what's with the antlers?
Heffer Wolfe: Oh.
[laughs]
Heffer Wolfe: I forgot I had these on.
[takes them off]
Elkie: [gasps] You're not an elk?
Heffer Wolfe: Oh, heck no. I just wore these to get into the Elks Club.
Elkie: I'm dating a cow?
Heffer Wolfe: Well, steer.
Elkie: I'm dating a steer?
Peter Wolfe: You two are *dating*?
Elkie: Not anymore!
George Wolfe: What's the matter? He's not GOOD enough for you?
Peter Wolfe: Whoa. Heffer's dating our dinner.
Elkie: DINNER?
George Wolfe: [to Elkie] SO WHAT IF HE's NOT AN ELK? He's not a wolf either, but we love him anyway.
Heffer Wolfe: Dinner?

Virginia Wolfe: Okay, kids. If I'm gonna get dinner on the table, I'm gonna have to get Elkie in the oven soon.
George Wolfe: NOT NOW, Virginia!
Virginia Wolfe: Oh. Okidoki.
Heffer Wolfe: [shocked] IN THE OVEN?
Elkie: I'm not getting in ANY OVEN.
Grandpa Wolfe: That's fine with me. Raw or cooked, I'm not picky.
George Wolfe: Oh, no. We have gotta cook her. Mother made a SPECIAL MARINADE for the occasion!
Heffer Wolfe: Wait a minute! Are you talking about cooking Elkie and serving her for dinner?
Peter Wolfe: Well, DUH.
Heffer Wolfe: Oh... WELL I WON'T HAVE IT!

George Wolfe: [at the Wolf Pack meeting] So, it is with great pride that I place this hat on my son's head. And I declare him, an adult.
Brother Alpha: So, your son finally caught himself an elk, eh?
George Wolfe: Yes. Yes, he did. And the whole family had elk meat for dinner.
Heffer Wolfe: [holds up a bag to his father] Well, soy based elk substitute, actually.
George Wolfe: SHH.

Heffer Wolfe: Is Peter gonna have to prove *his* manhood?
Peter Wolfe: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah. *That's* gonna happen. I'm late for class.
George Wolfe: What class?
Peter Wolfe: [wearing a tutu] Here we go. Judge, judge, judge.

Heffer: Look, Dad, I'm sorry I disappointed you.
George Wolfe: Well, it's, it's, it's... it's okay, Heffer. It was actually pretty... pretty gutsy of you to stand up for your beliefs.
Heffer: Really?
George Wolfe: Yeah, I guess so. Well, that's what your mom says. Oh, oh, and um... apparently, we still love you.