Kazuya Nakai: Toshiro Hijikata

Beruto konbea ni wa ki o tsukero

Toshiro Hijikata

[Kondo got knocked out]
Gintoki Sakata: It must be a ghost of some woman he made cry.
Toshiro Hijikata: Kondo-san has never made a woman cry.
Gintoki Sakata: Then I see. It must've been a woman YOU made cry, who's coming back with a revenge.
Toshiro Hijikata: I don't recall having dated such an useless woman.

Shinpachi Shimura: Could it really be a ghost?
Gintoki Sakata: Huh? I refuse to believe in things without scientific basis, like ghosts. Though I do believe in the Continent of Mu.
Sogo Okita: Ah, the woman in the red kimono.
[Gintoki bursts through a hole in a closet and curls up]
Shinpachi Shimura: What are you doing, Gin-san?
Gintoki Sakata: Uh, well... I thought I saw the portal to the Continent of Mu.
Sogo Okita: Hijikata-san, that guy is... Huh?
[Hijikata is trying to climb into a pot]
Sogo Okita: Hijikata-san, what are you doing?
Toshiro Hijikata: Nothing. Just looking for an entrance to the Mayonnaise Kingdom.
[Shinpachi, Kagura and Okita leave]
Gintoki Sakata: Wait, wait, wait! That's wrong! He may be afraid of ghosts, but I'm not!
Toshiro Hijikata: You're the one who's scared! You probably wanna run home to mommy!
Kagura: Yeah, yeah, we get it. Doesn't matter if it's in the Continent of Mu or in the Mayonnaise Kingdom, just go and look for them.

Sogo Okita: [performing magic] Die... Die... Die, Hijikata, with your high legacy...
Toshiro Hijikata: What are you doing out here so late?
Sogo Okita: [candles on his head] Uh, jogging.
Toshiro Hijikata: Stop lying! If you were really jogging in that outfit, you head would be a fireball by now! A ritual! You must be in the middle of a ritual to kill me!
Sogo Okita: Oh, you really jump to conclusions. Watch yourself, or you might become a paranoid psycho.

Toshiro Hijikata: H-h-h-hey! It-it-it's got wings! It's-it's flying!
Gintoki Sakata: Wh-wh-wh-wh-what's with y-y-y-you? D-d-don't tell me y-y-you're s-s-s-scared of th-th-that!
Toshiro Hijikata: Do-do-do-don't be stupid! Who-who-who do you think I-I-I-I-I am, you i-i-idiot?
Gintoki Sakata: O-okay then. Th-then, you can fight her, while I'll... go do that thing...
[starts to leave...]
Toshiro Hijikata: [grabs him] Where are you going? What's "that thing"? You're running away? Trying to fool me! Asshole!
Gintoki Sakata: Why'd I do that? I'll just go look for a bazooka to hit her with!
Toshiro Hijikata: And where would you get a bazooka?
Gintoki Sakata: Everybody has a bazooka in their hearts!

[hiding in a pond]
Gintoki Sakata: Well, now that we're in the water, we should think of a counterattack.
Toshiro Hijikata: Don't get cocky. I can hear the shiver in your voice. Let me handle this. A chicken like you should crawl back home and rest.
Gintoki Sakata: I think you're the coward! I'm sure you just jumped into the pond 'cause your pants were wet!
[a mosquito buzzing is heard, slowly getting louder]
Toshiro Hijikata: Why, you... You want me to feed you to the ghosts? I haven't settled the score with you yet! And I see you'll have to compensate me with interest!
Gintoki Sakata: Eh? Did I borrow anything from you? Doesn't matter, I'll give it to you. Besides, I've already bought a new game machine...
[the buzzing is unbearable]
Gintoki Sakata, Toshiro Hijikata: SHUT UP ALREADY!
[the buzzing is coming from the ghost]

Toshiro Hijikata: It's gotta be a joke, the great Shinsengumi scared and confined to bed. It's so embarrassing, I'll hardly show my face in public again. Pitiful.
Isao Kondo: Toshi! It was different for me! It was the mayonnaise that scared me!
Toshiro Hijikata: That's even worse!

Toshiro Hijikata: [takes down the ghost] Running away from a battle is a desrespect for bushido. You'd better start again and relearn how to be a samurai.
[Gintoki throws the woman in the red kimono at Hijikata]
Toshiro Hijikata: What the hell do you think you're doing, bastard?
Gintoki Sakata: [spits] You're still a hundred years behind to give ME lessons about how to be a samurai.