Sarah Shahi credited as playing...
Zahra Bankston
- [after watching Alex's speech about his and Henry's relationship]
- Zahra Bankston: Great job. I'm proud of you.
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: Is it still possible I've cost my mom the election?
- Zahra Bankston: Yes. But it's also possible that you just won her the election. We'll find out next week.
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: I hope Henry was watching. I could feel him watching. He does this thing when he's worried. Furrows his eyebrows. It's the cutest thing.
- [sighs]
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: God, I miss him...
- Zahra Bankston: [exasperated] Oh, my God.
- [Zahra goes to her desk and gets her phone]
- Zahra Bankston: I just have to do everything around here.
- [on the phone]
- Zahra Bankston: Shaan Shrivistava, this is Zahra Bankston. Look, I know we said we'd only use these phones in an emergency. Well, welcome to that emergency. I've got the First Son in my office, mooing over the Prince like a cow in labor, and I'm not gonna get any work done until you put these two lovesick homosexuals on the phone with one another. I don't care what any of those wrinkled white men at Buckingham Palace have to say about it. I want you to march your skinny, perfect ass over to the Prince, hand him your phone, or so help me God, you will never
- [whispering]
- Zahra Bankston: see me naked again.
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: Wait, what?
- Zahra Bankston: [to Shaan] I thought you might see it my way. Yes, we'll hold.
- [to Alex]
- Zahra Bankston: You might be lousy at keeping secrets, kiddo, but I'm not.
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: Zahra, I could kiss you!
- Zahra Bankston: Touch me and die.
- Zahra Bankston: And as for you, Little Lord Fuckleroy, you get your ass back to merry old England right now. I want you chewing on a goddamn crumpet by sunset. And if anyone sees you leave this hotel, I will Brexit your head from your body. You got me?
- Zahra Bankston: You can hate Prince Henry all you want, but the minute you see a camera, you better act like the sun shines out of his ass and you have a vitamin D deficiency.
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: You know...
- Zahra Bankston: And there is no getting out of this!
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: Oh, yeah? What if I set myself on fire?
- Zahra Bankston: We'd ship the ashes to Heathrow.
- [after discovering Alex and Henry have been together]
- Zahra Bankston: How long has this been going on?
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: Since New Year's.
- Zahra Bankston: Oh, God! And who knows about this?
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: Literally no one but you. And the Secret Service.
- Prince Henry: And Percy.
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: Right, and Nora.
- Prince Henry: Oh, and I told my sister.
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: Aw, I didn't know that.
- Prince Henry: Yeah, she was really happy for us.
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: Oh, I can't wait to see her again. She's really...
- Zahra Bankston: Okay! Shut up, okay? The both of you! I need to think.
- Zahra Bankston: [being asked to hide what she knows from POTUS] Oh, gee kid! I'm sorry to interrupt your process of becoming, but you're the one who decided to put your dick into the heir to the British throne!
- Prince Henry: Technically, I'm the spare...
- Zahra Bankston: [still exasperated] Not talking to you, sir!
- [getting the fact sheet on Prince Henry to memorize]
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: He's not six-foot-two. And does he get a fact sheet on me?
- Zahra Bankston: Yes. And I can assure you that making it was one of the most depressing moments of my career. And I once saw Mitch McConnell eating a banana.
- Ellen Claremont: Darling, you've done some pretty stupid things in your day, but this...
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: [cutting in] Takes the cake?
- Ellen Claremont: You hear that, Zahra? He's opening with a joke.
- Zahra Bankston: Maybe he can host the Correspondents' Dinner next year.
- Alex Claremont-Diaz: Oh, I'd be down.
- Zahra Bankston: No.