Steve Carell credited as playing...
Michael Scott
- Jan Levinson: [barging into David's office] You son of a bitch.
- David Wallace: Jan, this isn't the time. I'm in an interview.
- Jan Levinson: You're firing me? Where the hell do you get off?
- David Wallace: Frankly, it's overdue. Your behavior in the last two years has been completely erratic.
- Jan Levinson: Erratic?
- David Wallace: Recently you haven't even shown interest in your work! You smoke constantly in your office; you spend most of the day online shopping; you disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days, always saying you're visiting your sister in Scottsdale; you go to Scranton far more often than you need to...
- Jan Levinson: [takes off jacket, exposing cleavage] Is it because of these?
- Michael Scott: [sulking outside of office] Whoa, hey, whoa, Jan...
- Jan Levinson: I wanna know! I wanna know because if it is, then-then I will see you in court!
- David Wallace: It's not. It's not.
- Jan Levinson: [indicating Michael] 'Cause he likes them, okay? He likes them! A-and that is all I care about.
- David Wallace: The time has come for you to end your professional relationship with this company. You are clearly unstable.
- Michael Scott: Hey, you're unstable.
- [David glares at Michael]
- Jan Levinson: Yeah!
- Michael Scott: Nope. We're all unstable, so...
- Jan Levinson: Okay, you know what, I'm just not leaving! I'm not leaving! I'm not leaving.
- Michael Scott: David, I did not tell her.
- Michael Scott: Why is my office black?
- Dwight Schrute: To intimidate my subordinates.
- Michael Scott: That's stupid.
- Michael Scott: Hey, Hunter! Whazzup mah brotha?
- [to Jim and Karen]
- Michael Scott: This is Hunter, secretary extraordinaire.
- Hunter: Uh, administrative assistant.
- Michael Scott: Jan in yet?
- Hunter: I think she's coming in later.
- Michael Scott: Can you give her a message for me when she gets in?
- Hunter: Sure.
- [pulls out notepad]
- Michael Scott: Just say, "I want to squeeze them". It's code, she'll know what it means.
- Hunter: [closes notepad] Okay.
- Michael Scott: Oh, and Hunter? Could you tell her
- [obscene motorboating gesture]
- Michael Scott: also?
- [Hunter leaves dismissively]
- Michael Scott: I guess we're getting back together.
- Pam Beesly: What happened?
- Michael Scott: Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger.