Penn Badgley credited as playing...
Dan Humphrey
- Jenny Humphrey: [encouraging Dan to talk to Serena] You have nothing to lose.
- Dan Humphrey: No, nothing except my last shred of dignity.
- Jenny Humphrey: Oh no, I think that's gone.
- Chuck Bass: [furious] What are you doing here?
- Dan Humphrey: [trying to be cool] Why, what is this? Your hotel?
- Nate Archibald: Actually, it is.
- Blair Waldorf: Dan? Hi, I'm Blair Waldorf, Serena's friend.
- Dan Humphrey: Oh, hey, yeah. Do you happen to know where she is?
- Blair Waldorf: As a matter of fact I do.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Blair.
- Dan Humphrey: Serena, there you are. Where were you?
- Blair Waldorf: She was waiting in a hotel room, for my boyfriend.
- Serena van der Woodsen: To talk.
- Nate Archibald: About why we weren't talking.
- Blair Waldorf: That doesn't sound any smarter the second time.
- Dan Humphrey: Why weren't you talking?
- [pause]
- Dan Humphrey: Does this have anything to do with why you were waiting for Serena this morning?
- Blair Waldorf: You were what?
- Chuck Bass: And here I thought you were waiting for me.
- Dan Humphrey: Oh, exactly what this situation needs, Chuck.
- Dan Humphrey: Now what is going on here?
- Blair Waldorf: We were just getting to that.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, please. Don't do this.
- Blair Waldorf: Sorry. Do you, wanna tell him?
- Chuck Bass: I'll tell him.
- Blair Waldorf, Nate Archibald: [Blair and Nate say in unison] You know?
- Chuck Bass: I know everything.
- Dan Humphrey: And apparently I know nothing.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Look Dan, it, it was a long time ago and I regret it but...
- Chuck Bass: Serena, stop trying to pretend like you're a good girl. So you slept with your best friend's boyfriend, I kind of admire you for it.
- Dan Humphrey: Is that true?
- Blair Waldorf: Well, then she ran away and lied about it. I just thought you should know before you fall head over heels for your perfect girl in her perfect world and then get left all alone with no one but your Cabbage Patch Kid.
- Dan Humphrey: [the morning after his date with Serena] I've waited my entire adolescent life for a date with this girl and I decide to close the evening with a wave.
- Dan Humphrey: [to Lily van der Woodsen] I hope you've had a pleasant, uh...
- [checking his watch]
- Dan Humphrey: 21 hours since I last saw you.
- Dan Humphrey: [waiting for Serena in the hotel lobby] She probably won't be that long, right?
- Concierge: Once she went out and didn't come home for six months, but feel free to sit.
- Dan Humphrey: Oh. Hey, you're up.
- Jenny Humphrey: And you're checking up on me.
- [her brother sighs]
- Jenny Humphrey: I'm okay. Really, I'm okay. I was okay when you asked me at the party, and in the cab. When we got home, before and after I brushed my teeth. Look, I still feel really stupid. I mean, how could I have actually thought that Chuck Bass just wanted to talk to me?
- Dan Humphrey: Because you trust people. Which is normally a good thing.
- Jenny Humphrey: Yeah, except when it involves Chuck.
- Dan Humphrey: Yeah, pretty much.
- Dan Humphrey: [almost got knocked down getting out of the taxi] Oh! I think I have brain damage!
- Jenny Humphrey: You know, Dan, if you had brain damage, you wouldn't even know you had brain damage!