Blue Lennox: Miles 'Tails' Prower • Rouge the Bat

Sonic Adventure 2 (Dark Story + Final Story)

Miles 'Tails' Prower • Rouge the Bat

Dr. Eggman: I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, he took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out...
Little Girl: Mommy?
Dr. Eggman: -and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was "THIS BIG", and I said "That's disgusting!" So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter dot com. Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick! It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller! And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like!
[Eggman makes explosion noises as the Eclipse Cannon is revealed]
Dr. Eggman: That's right, baby! All points, no quills, no pillows, look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong!
[the rest of the dubbers are dying with laughter]
Dr. Eggman: He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the Earth!
[the Eclipse Cannon fires]
Dr. Eggman: That's right, this is what you get, my SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing on the MOON!
[the laser hits the moon]
Dr. Eggman: HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT!
[the dubbers continue to laugh as the camera pans up to a countdown clock on the jumbo-tron]
Dr. Eggman: You have 23 hours before the piss DRRRROPLLLETS hit the fucking Earth! Now get out of my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

Dr. Eggman: She fuckin- he fuckin- she- they fucked my wife! The animals fucked my wife! Then everybody fucking left because the ship was gonna be destroyed. She was able to escape because I designed a robot that would be able to pleasure her in such an intense way that I would be able to finally fuck her! But it didn't happen! Because then she decided to become a furry fucker and fucked the whole Sonic the Hedgehog and Shadow Team, which didn't even fuckin matter because then it went into a new ark AND THEN SHE FUCKED THE WORLD. THE WORLD WAS HER NEXT TARGET, BECAUSE HER JUSSY WAS NOT PLEASED ENOUGH. SO SHE HAD TO HO HERSELF OUT AND BE THE BIGGEST THHRRRRROT THAT YOU'VE EVER SEEN. THE WORLD. IS GOING TO BE DESTROYED. RIGHT NOW. I'M LOGGING OFF.
Rouge the Bat: You shouldn't talk to your wife that way!
Dr. Eggman: I don't give a FLYING FUCK, that bitch can fuck off, I've divorced her ass three hours ago! I'm SO SICK, my body is doing THINGS - THAT THING! And you over there, SHUT UP. And you, take off my pants! YOU WANNA SEE SOME - WEIRD SHIT?
Miles 'Tails' Prower: Eggman, you need to calm down!
Dr. Eggman: I'M-I'MMMMM TIRED OF BEIN' CALM ALL THE GODDAMN TIME! I WANNA LIVE MY LIFE! AND YOU! YOU, YOU, YOU. I'M SO SICK OF YOU.
Rouge the Bat: It looks like we won, everybody. We... broke him, finally.

Dr. Eggman: [Eggman, Shadow, and Rouge are meeting in the jungle, as the camera zooms in on Eggman] Alright, since Team FurAffinity fucked my wife, I'm going to have to have you both be a part of my team. Why is the camera zooming in?
Rouge the Bat: I mean, I guess that's fine, as long as I get my weed back, I don't really care.
Shadow the Hedgehog: I don't have a character motive.
Dr. Eggman: Listen! You're going to explore this island, you're going to find Sonic! He has all the weed that you need! The ganja, that Mary Jane, marij-a-mij! All in his pockets! He is your local drug dealer, and I'm going to blow up the island! Now go look for Sonic, and hurry up, you... fucking... cuckhogs.

Rouge the Bat: [Rouge has just made her entrance on the ARK] Hey bitches, what's up? Eggman, I found your weed supplier through your Twitter account, thanks man.
Dr. Eggman: I told you, I have alternatives!
Rouge the Bat: Anyway, I also saw that, uh, this- this guy over here fucked your wife. That's pr- that sucks a lot, dude. You must be, uh, pretty, uh, shaken up about that.
Dr. Eggman: How do you think I feel being CUCKED by a HEDGEHOG?
Rouge the Bat: Well, it might upset you to know that I also fucked your wife.
[pulls out Chaos Emerald]
Dr. Eggman: AND SHE HAD A DIAMOND IN HER VAGINA?
[laughter]
Shadow the Hedgehog: Good job.

Shadow the Hedgehog: [Team Dark has arrived at the harbor] Ah, summer break. A time for leisure-
[Amy suddenly sneaks up behind Shadow and hugs him]
Amy Rose: A time for rela- Oh, wha, wha, a MAN?
[stifled laughter]
Amy Rose: Hi there, big boy! What're you doin' on this little old aircraft...
[Eggman suddenly turns around as Amy lets out a shriek]
Dr. Eggman: Oh, Amy! Amy, what are you doing here?
Amy Rose: Uh, nothing! I... was... goodbye!
[runs off]
Dr. Eggman: Get outta here, you thot-ass bitch, you still owe me a hundred dollars!
[turns back to Shadow and Rouge]
Dr. Eggman: ANYWAY, we need to go!
[cut to Amy standing at the edge of the harbor]
Amy Rose: Should I jump? Yes!
Dr. Eggman: [walks up to her] Yeah, you're gonna, jump, bitch! Walk the plank! You get out of yar-har-me-
[Tails suddenly drops out of the sky in his mech]
Amy Rose: Mom?
Miles 'Tails' Prower: Hey, Eggman! Hey, Amy!
Amy Rose: Are you my mom?
Miles 'Tails' Prower: No. What... the fuck?

Dr. Eggman: [Eggman is awkwardly stumbling around the ARK] Ugh God... UGH, what the fuck happened last night? What- what happened?
Shadow the Hedgehog: You pissed on the moon, Eggman.
Rouge the Bat: We're really worried about you, this is an intervention. We're here to help you.
Dr. Eggman: [slurred] What are you talking about? I didn't piss on the moon...
Shadow the Hedgehog: When you piss on the moon, look at the moon, it's in half now that you pissed on it! I'm telling you, this has been a problem for a long time.
Dr. Eggman: I did nothing, su-
[stammers]
Dr. Eggman: I woke up, and...
Rouge the Bat: You did, you pissed on it!
Shadow the Hedgehog: Listen, we're doing this because we care about you and your wife.
Rouge the Bat: Yeah, you pissed on her and then you cursed out Obama, it was, like, really bizarre.
Dr. Eggman: Obama is a... strong figure to the- America, I would never say such a thing! No way!