Traylor Howard credited as playing...
Natalie Teeger
- [Monk and Natalie are trying to return ashes to several cremation urns they have accidentally spilled]
- Natalie Teeger: Wait! What are you doing?
- Adrian Monk: It's not even.
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, those are people. Maybe they weren't the same size.
- Adrian Monk: Well, they are now.
- [They finish cleaning up just as Sherman and the funeral director come up]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Okay, let's go over it again, from the top.
- Lt. Randall Disher: [reading from his notebook] OK. Husband, Robert Sherman, owns expensive rug. Intruder's shoes indicate he wiped his feet.
- Natalie Teeger: Why would a kid breaking and entering bother to wipe his feet?
- Adrian Monk: Because he wasn't breaking and entering! They knew each other. It was a setup.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Maybe...
- Lovely Rita: [from the corner, handcuffed to a chair] Maybe the kid, the intruder, was planning on stealing the rug, and didn't want to scuff it up.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [wryly] Thank you.
- Lovely Rita: Anytime.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Maybe he planned on stealing the rug.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Okay, what about this? The phone in the bedroom was unplugged.
- Lovely Rita: That doesn't mean anything. I unplug my phone all the time, if I want to sleep, when I'm going to bed...
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: She's right. Doesn't mean anything.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Well, how about this? The wife's slippers.
- Natalie Teeger: Right, the husband said she went downstairs because she was cold. If she was cold, why wouldn't she put on her slippers?
- [pause. Everyone turns to look at Rita]
- Lovely Rita: Well, she wasn't really cold. She just said she was cold. She was really going downstairs to... get a bite of that chocolate cake in the refrigerator.
- Adrian Monk: What chocolate cake? Who are you?
- Lt. Randall Disher: This is Rita DePasque, aka "The Lovely Rita." She's a material witness on a knife fight downtown.
- Lovely Rita: *Alleged* knife fight. Alleged. I love that word.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: The Lovely Rita has a point, amazingly enough. Any hotshot lawyer could explain away that entire notebook. Was the wife insured?
- Adrian Monk: No.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: So where's your motive?
- Lovely Rita: Wake up!
- [scoots her chair over]
- Lovely Rita: You've got two people, living under the same roof. One of them wants the other one dead. Believe me, I know.
- Adrian Monk: He didn't love her! I was there when the M.E. wheeled out the wife. All he was thinking about was the rug.
- Lovely Rita: You're cute.
- Adrian Monk: No, I'm not.
- [while they are investigating Dewey Jordan's apartment, Natalie frets about Julie's new relationship]
- Natalie Teeger: Oh, God, Mitch, I miss you...
- [she stands up with sudden realization]
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, would you talk to her?
- Adrian Monk: What?
- [Monk is standing on a chair and busy removing the cover to an air vent]
- Natalie Teeger: Please? I don't know who else to ask! There's no man in her life!
- Adrian Monk: [looks around desperately] What about him?
- [points at Mr. Morrisey, Dewey's landlord]
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Morrisey?
- Adrian Monk: Kids respect landlords. I think it's the keys.
- [He finishes removing the vent screws with a screwdriver and moves the cover aside to find a handgun and ammunition stashed inside. He fits the screwdriver blade through the grip of the gun and pulls it out]
- Mr. Morrissy: What is it?
- Adrian Monk: It's a .22 caliber. Why didn't he bring this gun?
- Mr. Morrissy: So he had another gun.
- Adrian Monk: But there's... there's no ammo for a .38 caliber. It's all for this gun.
- [He puts the gun back. Natalie stands on another chair to be at Monk's height]
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, please. Julie loves you, you know that. You're like family!
- Adrian Monk: Natalie, I can't, I-I just can't! Why don't you ask the Captain, or anybody else? When it comes to this particular issue, I am probably the least qualified person in North America...
- Natalie Teeger: That's what makes you perfect! You waited for Trudy, you were faithful, you respected her! You're a wonderful role model.
- Adrian Monk: Huh?
- Natalie Teeger: In this particular case!
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, please. Julie loves you, you know that. You're like family.
- Adrian Monk: Natalie, I can't, I-I just can't! Why don't you ask the Captain, or anybody else? When it comes to this particular issue... I am probably the least qualified person in North America.
- Natalie Teeger: That's what makes you perfect! You waited for Trudy, you were faithful, you respected her! You're a wonderful role model!
- Adrian Monk: Huh?
- Natalie Teeger: ...in this particular case.
- Tim Sussman: Mrs. Teeger! What are you doing here? Is Julie with you?
- Natalie Teeger: No, but you might want to give her a call, because I'm pretty sure she's gonna break up with Clay.
- Tim Sussman: She is? She told you that?
- Natalie Teeger: Not exactly...
- [to Monk]
- Natalie Teeger: Can I tell him?
- Adrian Monk: I don't think you should.
- Natalie Teeger: I'm gonna tell him.
- Adrian Monk: Why do you bother asking then?