Brendan Hunt credited as playing...
Coach Beard
- Nathan Shelley: Okay, so this is about you and Keeley, right?
- Coach Beard: Saw this coming.
- Higgins: Nothing like the early days of courtship.
- Roy: [bewildered] Okay, this is my fucking nightmare.
- Ted Lasso: I think the idea of you and Keeley is like cookies and cream. And I think we all agree, two great tastes that go great together, right?
- Higgins: Yeah.
- Coach Beard: Perfect analogy.
- Roy: Yes, I am into her. But we all know who her ex-boyfriend is: the prince prick of all pricks. And I've got him stuck right in here.
- Higgins: I don't understand the problem.
- Nathan Shelley: I mean, Keeley's just so kind. You know, to be liked by someone like her must be... s'wonderful.
- Ted Lasso: Shout-out to the Gershwin brothers right there.
- Coach Beard: Fuck yeah, the Gershwins.
- Ted Lasso: But dang it, fellas, you're still not getting it!
- Roy: Thank you.
- Ted Lasso: Sure, Roy here has slept with a bunch of different people in his past. But Keeley's got her own romantic and sexual history that predates Roy. And that's not okay!
- Nathan Shelley: [beat] Oh, he means the opposite. I love it when Coach does sarcasm.
- Roy: I can't control my feelings.
- Ted Lasso: Well, then, by all means you should let them control you.
- Higgins: He's doing it again!
- Ted Lasso: [smirks] Good eye. Look, Roy, all this Chandler Bing-ing aside, do me a favor. Don't let her past muck around with y'all's future, okay?
- Roy: She slept with him last night.
- [pause]
- Nathan Shelley: I mean, are you two officially dating?
- Roy: No.
- Higgins: Have you already slept together?
- Roy: No.
- Ted Lasso: Coach, you wanna bring this home?
- Coach Beard: Grow up... and get over it.
- Coach Beard: Something on your mind, Coach?
- Ted Lasso: No. Why?
- Coach Beard: We just had a five-hour bus ride where you didn't talk a lick, and that's a record by about five hours.
- Ted Lasso: [looks around, then moves in closer] Okay, look, I'm gonna tell you something, but then I don't wanna talk about it ever again, okay?
- Coach Beard: Okay.
- Ted Lasso: I'm serious. I don't wanna make jokes about it, I don't want you to give me any knowing glances. You know what I mean?
- Coach Beard: Okay.
- Ted Lasso: Okay. Last night, I, uh... I slept with Rebecca's friend, Sassy.
- [pause]
- Coach Beard: Wanna talk about it?
- Ted Lasso: I'd love to. Yeah. Immediately.
- Leslie Higgins: Ted, can I be honest with you?
- Ted Lasso: Come on, let it rip.
- Leslie Higgins: You seem intent on going 12 rounds with yourself. Why? What did you do wrong?
- Coach Beard: He's right. Time to get you some of these
- [mimes cutting with scissors]
- Coach Beard: .
- Ted Lasso: What, scissors?
- Nathan Shelley: Yeah. To cut yourself some slack.
- Ted Lasso: Wow. Y'all stuck the landing on that. That was nice.