Michael Clarke Duncan credited as playing...
Cleon Salmon
- Cleon Salmon: Who is Guy... Meatdrapes? What kind of name is that?
- Guy: It's, um, it's Metdrapedes, sir. It's Greek.
- Cleon Salmon: I think you're pronouncing it wrong. This says Meatdrapes.
- Guy: It's actually pronounced Metdrapedes.
- Cleon Salmon: Well, why doesn't it sound like that when I say it? Meatdrapes.
- Cleon Salmon: What the fuck happened to you?
- Mia: I got burned... with soup.
- Cleon Salmon: Don't you know you're supposed to blow on it first?
- Mia: Yes, Champ.
- Cleon Salmon: Well don't just stand there, get outta here, Soupface! You're offending my Tokyokan guests. Get me the smart girl!
- Mia: Tara?
- [holding back tears]
- Mia: Yeah, yeah... I'm, I'm going to get her for you!
- [runs off]
- Cleon Salmon: And tell her to bring me some champagne!
- [to his table guests]
- Cleon Salmon: I am so sorry, but her soupface scared the shit out of me. My voice is not that high.
- Cleon Salmon: [while admiring his sister's triplets] Look at the little babies! Hey, it's Uncle Cleon. Damn, they all look the same. What did you do, fuck a Xerox machine?
- Cleon Salmon: A little story for you, Dave 2, before you get back to work. When I was training for the Dispute in Beirut, I used to run ten miles a day with a baby camel strapped to my back. So you can understand how bemusing I find it that you're trying to run away from me. Don't run. Just take it.
- Cleon Salmon: [to Donnie] Now get yourself out of last place or I'll use your spine for a jump rope.
- Cleon Salmon: Well, if a trip to the Bahamas ain't gonna get the molasses out your asses, maybe $10,000 will do the trick. That's right, new prize. Top waiter leaves here tonight with ten grand in his pocket. You know what ten grand feels like in your pocket? It feels like a third cock.
- Guy: Ha! Jesus, how many cocks you got, Champ?
- Cleon Salmon: Are you lampooning me, Meatdrapes?
- Guy: Of course not, sir.
- Cleon Salmon: Do you want a punch in the eye, Guy?
- Guy: No, please.
- Cleon Salmon: I can make your face look like a pie, Guy.
- Guy: Oh God, no.
- Cleon Salmon: [the Champ throws several feints at Guy's face, then accidentally punches him in the stomach] Excuse me, I didn't mean to do that.
- Cleon Salmon: You must dominate the swordfish. Only then can you sauté it.
- [after punching a living swordfish in the head]