Jeff Bennett: Kowalski

Cat's Cradle/Monkey Love

Kowalski

Skipper: Eyes on the prize, Kowalski. Crack the new habitat security code, and we'll be swimming in all the fish we can stomach.
Rico: Fiiish! Ha-ha-ha!
Kowalski: I'm trying, but this is the most advanced encryption I've ever seen. It's got sudoku with fractions!
Skipper: Have you tried the master code?
Kowalski: One, two, three, four, five. Darn! Nothing!
Skipper: Now try it backwards.
Kowalski: Five, four, three, two, one. Aah!
Skipper: Now start at three...
Rico: Fiiiish!
[Spits out a chainsaw and cuts through the computer]
Kowalski: Wow. We're in!
Skipper: Way to hack that mainframe, Rico!

Kowalski: Skipper, our intel shows that there's one sure way to a female's heart. You start with a four-inch incision...

Skipper: Private, options.
Kowalski: Hello? I'm the options guy!
Skipper: But not when it comes to matters of the heart. That's where young Private here shines.
Kowalski: True, I have trouble understanding emotions, and feelings, and... women.
Skipper: Yeah. Duh. Private, you're on!
Private: Well, let's see...
Marlene: Come on, Private. You know what to do. Moonlight, guitar, oysters!
Private: Sorry, Marlene, but I was thinking that Phil could show off his machismo.
Skipper: Machismo! Español! I like it!

Skipper: Reach for the skies, chimps!
Lulu: What...?
Mason: Egad, penguin desperados, and they've got sticks!
Kowalski: Aargh! That's right, matey, and ooh, argh! Shiver me timbers, and orgh, eergh, argh!
Private: Kowalski, we're supposed to be desperados, not pirates.
Kowalski: Really?
[Rico sighs and leaps forward to attack]
Kowalski: The point is, we want all your bananas!
Private: And there's no one here tough enough to stop us!
Skipper: [Pointing at Mason] Certainly not this milksop.
Lulu: Hold on now. Mason may not be tough, but me... I'm from Hoboken!
[Beats up penguins]

Kowalski: Once you escape to the sewer, find an aligator named Roger and give him this secret code phrase: "Help me, oh, help me. Please, please help me. For the sweet love of mother mercy, please help me escape the animal control agent that's chasing me." He'll know what it means.

Officer X: Penguins. Nature's rule breakers. Birds are supposed to fly, but no, you gotta swim instead. Think you're above the laws of nature, punks? Do ya?
Kowalski: [to Skipper] Rancho Cuckoo-monga.

Max: You gotta get me out of here. This kitten's nuts!
Kowalski: Apparently, the Rhodesian slasher has a very intense, very elaborate mating ritual. But the good news is, most fatalities don't take place until the fifth week.
Max: I can't take five weeks of this! What are we gonna do?

Mason: I don't know, Marlene, but I don't think that's quite the way to capture a chimp's heart.
[Suddenly the penguins pop out of a grate]
Skipper: You heard the chimp, men! We need a way to capture the lady chimp's heart. Kowalski, you...
Marlene: Hello? Mason came to me for advice, therefore it's my mission, not yours.
Kowalski: Ah, but use of the word "capture" automatically makes this a penguin operation.
Private: Sorry, Marlene. Those are the rules.