Matt Berry credited as playing...
Laszlo Cravensworth
- Laszlo Cravensworth: No one here knows I'm a vampire. Apart from the people I've drained and killed, but they're dead now so that that problem's pretty much solved itself.
- Jim the Vampire: I can see by the look on your face you were never expecting to see me again.
- Laszlo Cravensworth: No, you can see by the look on my face I haven't got a fucking clue who the hell you are!
- Laszlo Cravensworth: I didn't scrape and murder my way to Pennsylvania to watch those talented athletes get fucked off.
- Laszlo Cravensworth: I just came to say goodbye. You're a very sweet girl but it never would have worked. One, I'm married. Two, I'm a vampire.
- Laszlo Cravensworth: After all that nonsense on Staten Island, I cut loose to Pennsylvania. Because it sounds like "Transylvania", and we all know that sounds cool.
- Laszlo Cravensworth: You can do some impersonations!
- Coach Swanson: My wife!
- Laszlo Cravensworth: There you go! Henry the 8th!