Corbin Bernsen credited as playing...
Henry Spencer
- Henry Spencer: First off, your accent is terrible. It's disgraceful, really. You sound like that El Pollo Loco guy. And then, there you go, turning your back on Reynaldo even after he defended you when you were accused of Maria's kidnapping. Come on!
- Shawn Spencer: First of all, I am *trying* to sound like the El Pollo Loco guy. And secondly, Reynaldo turned his back on me when he slept with Maria in the first place.
- Henry Spencer: Oh, come on, he would have given you half the reward money. Where's your integrity? It makes you look like such a bad person!
- [pause]
- Shawn Spencer: I'm Shawn. Those are things my character, Chad, did. I play him on TV. It's Shawn. Shawnie. Look into your boy's eyes.
- [puts his hand on Henry's shoulder]
- Shawn Spencer: It's me, Papa.
- Henry Spencer: [shakes off Shawn's hand] Don't be an idiot. I'm not one of your fans. I barely even like you.
- [Shawn has to re-enter the scene before he can remove the real nails from the "prop" nail gun]
- Quintessa Gabriel: [Spanish] Oh, there you are, my dear. Here, hand me the nail gun.
- Shawn Spencer: [English with heavy Spanish accent] Okay, here you go. But do not point this at me because is mucho dangerioso.
- Quintessa Gabriel: [Spanish] I know that, my darling.
- Shawn Spencer: [English, Spanish accent] Yo se that you know, but seriously, be very carefulio. You could muerteme with this thing because it is realio!
- Quintessa Gabriel: [Quintessa wrestles the nail gun out of his hands. In English:] I love the improv, the passion.
- [Points the gun at him. In Spanish:]
- Quintessa Gabriel: Of course it's real! As real as you cheating on me with my sister Serena, and getting her pregnant!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: [Watching from beside the camera] Shawn's the father of Serena's baby!
- Shawn Spencer: [Normal accent, whisper] Please put that down, woman, it's loaded with *real* nails!
- Quintessa Gabriel: [In Spanish] And it's you that killed Vincente!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Shawn, watch out! Watch out!
- [Shawn ducks behind a chair, Quintessa fires and misses, Shawn sees the real murderer and figures it out]
- Shawn Spencer: [English, Spanish accent] No! You are wrong! I am not a murderero! But I know who iso! Yes: your twin sister.
- Quintessa Gabriel: [Spanish] I don't have a twin sister.
- Shawn Spencer: [English, Spanish accent] Yes, what I mean is, someone who wants to be your twin sister. Someone who wants to be you!
- Lance: [Watching on TV in jail] I definitely did not write this.
- Quintessa Gabriel: [English] Okay, I don't get it.
- Shawn Spencer: [English with accent] No, it's like, uh
- [Spanish]
- Shawn Spencer: beautiful girls... drinking... beer on the beach...
- Director: My God, he's improvising!
- Shawn Spencer: [Still Spanish] with homicide... uh...
- [English with accent]
- Shawn Spencer: Uh, can't do this... you make a translation for me, yeah?
- [Whispers in Quintessa's ear]
- Henry Spencer: [Watching on TV at home] Ah, high school Spanish comes back to haunt him.
- Quintessa Gabriel: [In English, pointing at Kelly] She did it!
- Director: Pan over! Pan over!
- [Pan to shot of Kelly by the crafty table]
- Shawn Spencer: [Normal accent] After all that you just point at the murderer? Don't you have any sense of dramatic tension or build? Come on, what are we, on "Blossom"? No, you start by saying she was your biggest fan, you know? That she practically worships you, and that she read all the scripts. I got this, I got this.
- [Back to Spanish accent]
- Shawn Spencer: You! Yes you! You hated it whenever Corrin was put into jeopardy! So you took it upon yourself to avenge her!
- Kelly: I had to! She cares too much! Her heart is too big for her chest!
- [Shawn glances at Quintessa's chest and shakes his head]
- Henry Spencer: [after the telenovela's fans chant for Shawn's character "Chad"] How do you have fans? This is asinine. You started on the show five days ago.
- Henry Spencer: [watching Shawn struggle on live TV without cue cards] Ah, high school Spanish comes back to haunt him.