Dulé Hill credited as playing...
Burton Guster
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: [mocking Shawn after his phone is muted] Look at me, look at me, I love my hair! I can make obscure '80s references that nobody understands. Laugh at me, ha ha ha! Hey, know something about me? I have a motorcycle, but I never seem to be riding it!
- Shawn Spencer: [points to a Confederate Flag] What is wrong with this flag?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Everything.
- Shawn Spencer: Besides that.
- Shawn Spencer: Come on, dude! I honestly had no idea he was going to be pulling a corpse from the ground.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Don't worry about it, Shawn. I honestly didn't know I was going to be putting my foot in your ass. Life's full of surprises.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Great. Now we got a mummy on the loose, and the son of a bitch knows how to drive a stick?
- Shawn Spencer: Then meet us at the museum.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: [groans] Why can't they just meet us at a well-lit Starbucks?
- Shawn Spencer: One more time, buddy. For justice.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: The Lexin glass case that houses it is worth more.
- Shawn Spencer: Lexin glass?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Yeah. It's bulletproof.
- Shawn Spencer: Well, it would have to be in case the guns decide to fire themselves.
- [scoffs]
- Shawn Spencer: Lexin glass!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: What? That's common knowledge, Shawn. People know that.
- Shawn Spencer: Who? People in Charlton Heston's house?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Yeah... and your mama.
- Shawn Spencer: Come on, man. This is gonna be good for you. Walk to me. Face your fears.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You can talk all you want, but facts and logic will win out this time.
- Shawn Spencer: Facts and logic are in the corner of the guy who thinks he's gonna get his face melted off?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm not hearing it, Shawn.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: That says "photo by Bruton Gaster".
- Shawn Spencer: Well, I gave them the info when I was driving through a tunnel so that probably played a role.
- Shawn Spencer: I told you to charge that phone.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You did not.
- Shawn Spencer: I didn't? Does thinking it count?
- [a van Shawn and Gus have been chasing crashes]
- Shawn Spencer: Whoever they are, they're - they're not moving. They're incapacitated. They could be hurt, maybe even dead.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Maybe undead.
- Shawn Spencer: They might need our help.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Or our internal organs.
- Shawn Spencer: Come on, man! Haven't you ever wanted to spend the night in a museum? You know, do it up with all the stuffed creatures and the bones?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: No, Shawn, I haven't. I can't spend the night in the museum. I don't have my toothbrush. I don't have any of my multivitamins. And oh, yeah, I don't want my soul suffering eternal damnation for disrupting the sleep of an Egyptian canal digger!