Matt Vogel: Sgt. Floyd Pepper • Camilla • Sweetums • ...

The Muppets

Sgt. Floyd Pepper • Camilla • Sweetums • 80's Robot • Lew Zealand • Uncle Deadly • Rowlf Moopet • Crazy Harry • Janice Moopet

[Tex and Uncle Deadly are atop the Muppet Theater with a pair of boltcutters about to shut off the power]
Tex Richman: To the end of the Muppets!
[Uncle Deadly grabs the boltcutters to stop Tex]
Tex Richman: Deadly! What are you doing?
Uncle Deadly: Enough! Just because I have a terrifying name and an evil English accent, does not preclude the fact that, in my heart, I am a Muppet, not a Moopet! Looks like it's I who will have the last laugh!
Tex Richman: What does that mean?
Uncle Deadly: It's an idiom, you idiot, because you cannot laugh! Ha ha!
[Tex falls off the roof and lands on the ground with a thud]
Uncle Deadly: Oopsie.
[he laughs]
Tex Richman: Deadly.
Uncle Deadly: Now *that's* a maniacal laugh for you!

Mahna Mahna: [sings] Mahna Mahna
Tex Richman: You're breaking the law! I own that name!
Snowth, Snowth: [the Snowths sing] Doo-doo, do-do-doo, do-do do do do do doo.
Gonzo: [with a bowling ball] Hey guys, I think I finally worked out how to - Whoo-ha!
[Gonzo throws the bowling ball and hits Tex Richman]
Fozzie Bear: 'Oil' bet that hurt.
[Tex Richman starts laughing]
The Newsman: This just in: Richman gives back Muppet theater and name. Change of heart, nothing to do with head injury.
Tex Richman: [sings] Mahna Mahna
Snowth, Snowth: [the Snowths sing] Doo-doo, do-do-doo

Statler: [the door opens, Statler, Waldorf, Uncle Deadly, Bobo the Bear, and Tex Richman enter the room] There, now this here is Kermit the Frog's old office.
Waldorf: Or so we've been 'toad'.
[Statler and Waldorf chuckle]
Tex Richman: Well, as you know, gentlemen, I've loved the Muppets since I was a boy.
Uncle Deadly, Bobo: Mm-hmm.
Tex Richman: And what better way to honor the Muppets than to make this beautiful studio a Muppet museum.
[Walter gasps while hiding underneath a table]
Tex Richman: I think I'll call this room the "Kermit the Frog's Old Office Room".
Uncle Deadly: Oh, good one, Mr. Richman.
Bobo: Oh, that is lovely.
Waldorf: Now, ahem, this here is the standard "Rich and Famous" contract Kermit signed 30 years ago that contains...
Tex Richman: The deed to this property.
Waldorf: Exactly.
Waldorf: Now, this contract is 100 percent iron-clad, with one minor exception: if the Muppets can raise the $10 million it would cost to buy the building before this contract expires, then they get their studio back.
Statler: You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were reciting some sort of an important plot point.
Waldorf: Well, I hope so; otherwise I just bored the audience half to death.
Statler: You mean half the audience is still alive?
[Statler and Waldorf chuckle]
Waldorf: It's nice doing business with you.
Statler: Yes, sir. Come on.
Waldorf: Good-bye.
Bobo: [to Uncle Deadly] I love geriatric humor.