Brad Pitt credited as playing...
Billy Beane
- Peter Brand: The Visalia Oaks and our 240 lb catcher Jeremy Brown, who as you know, scared to run to second base. This was in a game six weeks ago. This guy is going to start him off with a fastball. Jeremy's going to take him to deep center. Here's what's really interesting, because Jeremy's gonna do what he never does. He's gonna go for it. He's gonna around first and he's gonna go for it. Okay?
- [On the video, Jeremy trips and falls over first base]
- Peter Brand: This is all Jeremy's nightmares coming to life.
- Billy Beane: Awwww, they're laughing at him.
- Peter Brand: And Jeremy's about to find out why. Jeremy's about to realize that the ball went 60 feet over the fence. He hit a home run and didn't even realize it.
- Billy Beane: It's hard not to be romantic about baseball. This kind of thing, it's fun for the fans. It sells tickets and hot dogs. Doesn't mean anything.
- Peter Brand: Billy, we just won twenty games in a row.
- Billy Beane: And what's the point?
- Peter Brand: We just got the record.
- Billy Beane: Man, I've been doing this for... listen, man. I've been in this game a long time. I'm not in it for a record, I'll tell you that. I'm not in it for a ring. That's when people get hurt. If we don't win the last game of the Series, they'll dismiss us.
- Peter Brand: Billy...
- Billy Beane: I know these guys. I know the way they think, and they will erase us. And everything we've done here, none of it'll matter. Any other team wins the World Series, good for them. They're drinking champagne, they get a ring. But if we win, on our budget, with this team... we'll have changed the game. And that's what I want. I want it to mean something.
- Billy Beane: Would you rather get a bullet to the head or five to the chest and bleed to death?
- Peter Brand: Are those my only two options?
- Billy Beane: Let them make the mistakes. When your enemy's making mistakes, don't interrupt them. They're giving you an out. Just giving it to you. Take it. Say "thank you".
- Billy Beane: You get on base, we win. You don't, we lose. And I *hate* losing, Chavy. I *hate* it. I hate losing more than I even wanna win. And there's a difference.
- Peter Brand: I wanted you to see these player evaluations that you asked me to do.
- Billy Beane: I asked you to do three.
- Peter Brand: Yeah.
- Billy Beane: To evaluate three players.
- Peter Brand: Yeah.
- Billy Beane: How many you'd do?
- Peter Brand: Forty-seven.
- Billy Beane: Okay.
- Peter Brand: Actually, fifty-one. I don't know why I lied just then.
- Billy Beane: [Suggesting a player for first base] Scott Hatteberg.
- Scout Barry: Who?
- Billy Beane: Exactly. The guy sounds like an Oakland A already.
- Peter Brand: There is an epidemic failure within the game to understand what is really happening. And this leads people who run Major League Baseball teams to misjudge their players and mismanage their teams. I apologize.
- Billy Beane: Go on.
- Peter Brand: Okay. People who run ball clubs, they think in terms of buying players. Your goal shouldn't be to buy players, your goal should be to buy wins. And in order to buy wins, you need to buy runs. You're trying to replace Johnny Damon. The Boston Red Sox see Johnny Damon and they see a star who's worth seven and half million dollars a year. When I see Johnny Damon, what I see is... is... an imperfect understanding of where runs come from. The guy's got a great glove. He's a decent leadoff hitter. He can steal bases. But is he worth the seven and half million dollars a year that the Boston Red Sox are paying him? No. No. Baseball thinking is medieval. They are asking all the wrong questions. And if I say it to anybody, I'm-I'm ostracized. I'm-I'm-I'm a leper. So that's why I'm-I'm cagey about this with you. That's why I... I respect you, Mr. Beane, and if you want full disclosure, I think it's a good thing that you got Damon off your payroll. I think it opens up all kinds of interesting possibilities.
- Billy Beane: We want you to play 1st base for the Oakland A's.
- Scott Hatteberg: OK, well, I've only ever played catcher.
- Billy Beane: Scott, you're not a catcher any more. If you were our call wouldn't be the only one you got when your contract expired.
- Scott Hatteberg: Yeah, hey, listen, no I, I appreciate it.
- Billy Beane: You're welcome.
- Scott Hatteberg: But the thing, thing is is that...
- Billy Beane: You don't know how to play 1st base. Scott...
- Scott Hatteberg: That's right.
- Billy Beane: It's not that hard, Scott. Tell him Wash.
- Ron Washington: It's incredibly hard.
- Billy Beane: Hey, anything worth doing is. And we're gonna teach you.
- Billy Beane: Guys, you're just talking. Talking, "la-la-la-la", like this is business as usual. It's not.
- Grady Fuson: We're trying to solve the problem here, Billy.
- Billy Beane: Not like this you're not. You're not even looking at the problem.
- Grady Fuson: We're very aware of the problem. I mean...
- Billy Beane: Okay, good. What's the problem?
- Grady Fuson: Look, Billy, we all understand what the problem is. We have to...
- Billy Beane: Okay, good. What's the problem?
- Grady Fuson: The problem is we have to replace three key players in our lineup.
- Billy Beane: Nope. What's the problem?
- Pittaro: Same as it's ever been. We've gotta replace these guys with what we have existing.
- Billy Beane: Nope. What's the problem, Barry?
- Scout Barry: We need 38 home runs, 120 RBIs and 47 doubles to replace.
- Billy Beane: Ehh!
- [imitates buzzer]
- Billy Beane: The problem we're trying to solve is that there are rich teams and there are poor teams. Then there's fifty feet of crap, and then there's us. It's an unfair game. And now we've been gutted. We're like organ donors for the rich. Boston's taken our kidneys, Yankees have taken our heart. And you guys just sit around talking the same old "good body" nonsense like we're selling jeans. Like we're looking for Fabio. We've got to think differently. We are the last dog at the bowl. You see what happens to the runt of the litter? He dies.
- [after an argument about Billy's statistical approach to baseball instead of trusting his scouts]
- Billy Beane: I'm not gonna fire you, Grady.
- Grady Fuson: Fuck you, Billy.
- Billy Beane: Now I will.
- Peter Brand: [Sleeping. His phone rings, waking him up] Hello?
- Billy Beane: Pete? It's Billy Beane.
- Peter Brand: Wh-what time is it?
- Billy Beane: I don't know. Pete, would you have drafted me in the first round?
- Peter Brand: What?
- Billy Beane: After we talked, you looked me up. Would you have drafted me in the first round?
- Peter Brand: Yeah, I did. You-you were pretty good.
- Billy Beane: Cut the crap, Pete. Would you have drafted me in the first round?
- Peter Brand: I would have picked you in the 9th round. No signing bonus. I think that would have convinced you to accept that scholarship.
- Billy Beane: Pack your bags, Pete. I just bought you from the Cleveland Indians.
- Billy Beane: Where you from, Pete?
- Peter Brand: Maryland.
- Billy Beane: Where'd you go to school?
- Peter Brand: Yale. I went to Yale.
- Billy Beane: What'd you study?
- Peter Brand: Economics. I studied economics.
- Billy Beane: Yale, economics, and baseball. You're funny, Pete.
- Billy Beane: [during a meeting with his scouts] If we try to play like the Yankees in here, we will lose to the Yankees out there.
- Grady Fuson: Boy, that sounds like fortune-cookie wisdom to me, Billy.
- Billy Beane: No, that's just logic.
- Billy Beane: Art, you got a minute?
- Art Howe: Yeah. Take a seat.
- Billy Beane: You can't start Peña at first tonight. You'll have to start Hatteberg.
- Art Howe: Yeah, I don't want to go fifteen rounds, Billy. The lineup card is mine, and that's all.
- Billy Beane: That lineup card is definitely yours. I'm just saying you can't start Peña at first.
- Art Howe: Well, I am starting him at first.
- Billy Beane: I don't think so. He plays for Detroit now.
- Art Howe: You *traded* Peña?
- Billy Beane: Yeah. And Menechino, Hiljus, Tam are all being sent down.
- Art Howe: You are outside your mind.
- Billy Beane: Yeah. Cuckoo.
- Jeremy Giambi: [knocking on door] You wanted to see me?
- Billy Beane: Yeah, Jeremy, grab a seat.
- [Jeremy sits down]
- Billy Beane: Jeremy, you've been traded to the Phillies. This is Ed Wade's number. He's a good guy, he's the GM. He's expecting your call. Buddy will help you with the plane flight. You're a good ballplayer, Jeremy, and we wish you the best.
- [Jeremy sighs and exits]
- Billy Beane: Jeremy's gone, too.
- Art Howe: [shaking his head in disbelief] You're killing this team.
- Billy Beane: [having declined a $12.5 million offer to GM the Red Sox] I made one decision in my life based on money. And I swore I would never do it again.
- Billy Beane: We got a problem, David?
- David Justice: No, it's okay. I know your routine. It's patter, it's for effect. But it's for them, all right? That shit ain't for me.
- Billy Beane: Oh, you're special?
- David Justice: You're paying me seven million bucks a year, man, so yeah, maybe I am, a little bit.
- Billy Beane: No, man, I ain't paying you seven. Yankees are paying half your salary. That's what the New York Yankees think of you. They're paying you three and a half million dollars to play against them.
- Billy Beane: You're doing it again.
- Casey Beane: What?
- Billy Beane: You're worrying about me.
- Casey Beane: You're in last place dad.
- Billy Beane: Do I look worried?
- Casey Beane: Yeah.
- Billy Beane: 'Cause you're getting on an airplane. Those things crash all the time. Please stop worrying about your dad.