Ice Cube credited as playing...
Captain Dickson
- Captain Dickson: He's white, that means people actually give shit.
- Schmidt: Um, I would just like to say that I would give a shit if he were black.
- Captain Dickson: Hey, hey! Stop fuckin' with Korean Jesus. He ain't got time for yo problems, he's busy wit Korean shit!
- Captain Dickson: [going over the rule of not having sexual relations with teachers or students; to Jenko] That's you, man. Don't do it. Keep that dirty dick inside your pants. Don't fuck no students, don't fuck no teachers...
- Schmidt: Sir, I know we may look like a couple of lady-killers, but me and my partner will be super professional...
- Captain Dickson: Clearly I wasn't talking to you, big-titties. You cherub-looking motherfucker. I was talking to your partner, fake-ass Handsome McGee here. When I'm talking to him, I'm talking to him. When I say "shut the fuck up," I'm talking to you.
- [last lines]
- Captain Dickson: New assignment. Since you two cowboys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids, and fuck anything with a big ass in jeans with low self-esteem, I'm gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.
- Jenko: Oh, I love Disneyland!
- Captain Dickson: You two sons of bitches are going to college!
- Schmidt: Yes!
- Jenko: No!
- Captain Dickson: The mission is this: infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.
- Jenko: We get to be brothers?
- Captain Dickson: [slams desk] Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!
- Jenko: But if we find the supplier first, we don't have to worry about the dealers.
- Captain Dickson: God damn.
- [slams desk]
- Captain Dickson: Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!
- Captain Dickson: I know what you're thinkin': angry, black captain. Well guess what? I'm black, and I worked my ASS off to be the captain. And sometimes, I get a little angry, so suck a dick!
- Captain Dickson: Hey! stop fucking with Korean Jesus! He ain't got time for your problems! He's busy... with Korean shit!
- Captain Dickson: Are you comfortable?
- Schmidt: Yes.
- Captain Dickson: Get your... motherfucking ass up when I'm talking to you! I know what ya'll thinking. Angry black Captain. It ain't nothing but a stupid stereotype. Well let me tell you something, I'm black, and I worked my ass off to become Captain, and sometimes I get angry. So suck a dick!
- [back at 21 Jump Street in Dickson's office, after getting expelled from school for fighting on stage]
- Jenko: Is that it? You're not gonna... you're not gonna scream at us?
- Captain Dickson: [dryly] Nope. I'm just gonna fire you.