Brian Baumgartner credited as playing...
Kevin Malone
- Rose: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
- Michael Scott: No, Rose. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
- Rose: No, that's not part of it.
- Michael Scott: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?
- Kevin Malone: I would want to live with no legs.
- Michael Scott: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything.
- Pam Beesly: Well, I just want to take a minute to talk to you all about something very serious. Once every hour, someone is involved in an internet scam. That man is Michael Scott.
- [laughter]
- Pam Beesly: He's supporting about 20 Nigerian princesses.
- Michael Scott: Hey, you know what? Forgive me for caring. Right?
- Pam Beesly: Well, you know, Michael is a great delegator. He never does any work himself. Ever.
- [Dwight claps loudly]
- Dwight Schrute: Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha.
- Pam Beesly: And one time, I walked in on him naked... and his thing is so small.
- Kevin Malone: How small is it?
- Pam Beesly: If it were an iPod it would be a Shuffle!
- Kevin Malone: [giving chest compressions to the practice dummy] I can't keep doing this forever.
- Rose: It's been 20 seconds.
- Kevin Malone: [gives up] Call it.