Jason Segel credited as playing...
Marshall Eriksen
- Marshall Eriksen: Just a Burger? Just a burger. Robin, it's so much more than "just a burger." I mean... that first bite-oh, what heaven that first bite is. The bun, like a sesame freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below, flavors mingling in a seductive pas de deux. And then... a pickle! The most playful little pickle! Then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce and a... a patty of ground beef so exquisite, swirling in your mouth, breaking apart, and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savor so delightful. This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread, Robin. This is God, speaking to us in food.
- Ted, Barney, Lily: [All take bite from burger] Mmmmmmm
- Lily: Oh my God! this burger is so good, it's like Christmas in my mouth. Meat Christmas!
- Ted: It's like an angel from Heaven landed at the kitchen at MacLaren's... where the chef killed it and ran it through the meat grinder.
- Barney: I love this burger so much, I wanna sew my ass shut.
- Marshall: [Disappointed] It's okay.
- Ted, Barney, Lily: [All, except Marhsall] What?
- Lily: I wanna get tiny fitted sheets for this burger and just crawl into this bun, and get all cozy and die there.
- Robin: Oh, my God, I just want you inside of me.
- Barney: This feels so good! I'm worried I'm gonna get this burger pregnant.
- Marshall: If he does get that burger pregnant, I have dibs on the delicious burger babies.