Michael Weatherly: Anthony DiNozzo

Collateral Damage

Anthony DiNozzo

Dwayne Wilson: How's Gibbs to work for?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What have you heard? That bad guys would rather confess than be interrogated by him? That his steely gaze can cool a room by five degrees? That he can only be killed by a silver bullet like a werewolf?
[Wilson chuckles]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: They're all true, except for the silver bullet part. Might give him indigestion or heartburn, but I don't think it'd kill him.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Handing Wilson something from the vending machine] For a job well done.
Dwayne Wilson: Might mean more if you'd actually paid for it.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We're government employees. Get used to disappointment

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah, rule #13: Never ever involve lawyers. Things are bound to turn nasty.
Dwayne Wilson: I'll remember that.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You should. Gibbs has been divorced three times. He has seven rules that involve lawyers. None of them are very pretty. You don't need to know 'em all just #13. It's the umbrella rule.

[all the teams are being assigned new recruits to observe, except Gibbs']
Officer Ziva David: I heard rumors that Gibbs refuses to take one.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Wrong, they won't give him one. Think about it. You take a date back to your family's house, you want to make a good impression. You want them to *like* you. You don't introduce them to your weird Uncle Jethro until, like, the fifth date.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [entering behind him] Since when are you an expert on fifth dates, DiNozzo?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You're very right about that, Boss.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I don't know if you've noticed but she and they don't exactly want to shoot me.
Officer Ziva David: Give them time.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [after finding out what the robbers did with the money] Time, money futility. Sounds like one of McGee's date nights.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: It was not futility, it was by design.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Where have I heard that before?

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: A word of advice, the ATF girls are smoking hot. They're a little crazy, but they're really hot.
Dwayne Wilson: I'm married, Tony.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well... then only talk to the Bureau of Prisons girls. That'll keep you celibate, unless you're like McGee.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: How much did they take?
Paul Harris: This branch just received a money delivery.
[hands Gibbs a card]
Paul Harris: Paul Harris, corporate security. They took $27,000. Could have been worse.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [indicating the dead guard] Not for him.
Paul Harris: Sorry, of course. I didn't mean that.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: This bank ever been hit before?
Paul Harris: No, no, never. This is Quantico. I mean, come on, it's a freakin' Marine base that houses the FBI Academy.