Maya Rudolph credited as playing...
Bubbles
- Lt. Banning: Is Phil in?
- Bubbles: He's servicing a client.
- [noises of Phil and Sandra having sex are heard]
- Bubbles: [Connie tries to kick down a door and recoils in pain] God, are you alright?
- Connie Edwards: I ruptured my hymen.
- Bubbles: I've been searching public records on Sandra White, and guess what I found? Nothing. There is no Sandra White before two years ago. She didn't exist. Can I have one of those bananas?
- Connie Edwards: What? No, you can't. No! And what do you mean she didn't exist? Everybody exists. Social security numbers, tax records.
- Bubbles: Nada. But I tailed her to a rat trap of an apartment in Hollywood.
- Connie Edwards: What's she doing in a Hollywood apartment? She's got a big place up in the Palisades.
- Bubbles: Do you know what they'll do to a puppet ex-cop in prison? They will tear out all of his stuffing and fill him back up with rice pilaf. And then they'll fuck it.
- Connie Edwards: Okay, just...
- Bubbles: They fuck that rice pilaf until it's more like a mashed potato.
- Connie Edwards: Okay.
- Bubbles: It's a term they call "pilafing".
- Connie Edwards: All right, all right, all right. Move. You think you're the only one thinking about this stuff?
- Bubbles: I think about pilafing all the time.
- Connie Edwards: I'm not talking about pilafing.
- Bubbles: You know, you gave me quite a scare there. I thought I was gonna lose you.
- Phil Philips: Sweetheart, you're never gonna lose me. Bubbles, hey, you know, I was thinking...
- Bubbles: You were?
- Phil Philips: Yeah. They broke the mold when they made you.
- Bubbles: They did?
- Phil Philips: And I'd like to take you out to dinner, you know, someplace special.
- Bubbles: You mean, like, on a date?
- Phil Philips: Yeah. Like a date.
- Connie Edwards: [startled upon finding Bubbles in her apartment] Oh, God damn it. How the hell did you get in here?
- Bubbles: It was actually very easy. I just picked the lock. It took me, like, under a minute.
- Connie Edwards: Oh, great. Apparently, anybody who wants to can just walk right into my apartment.
- Connie Edwards: We've got ourselves a good old-fashioned nutjob.
- Bubbles: Jeez, this must have taken years. This is one sick fuck.
- Connie Edwards: She's got 'em all.
- Bubbles: Detective Edwards, look.
- Connie Edwards: Boy, she's got a real sweet spot for our boy Phil, huh?
- Bubbles: Oh, poor Mr. P. Oh, my God.
- Connie Edwards: Wait a minute.
- Bubbles: What a psycho.
- Connie Edwards: [picking up a framed picture] What the hell is she doing with a picture of Jasper Jackabee and his daughter?
- Bubbles: Purple hair on a puppet, that's very rare.
- Connie Edwards: [remembering Agent Campbell's questioning of Sandra, she connects the dots] Oh, my God. I guess the carpet does match the drapes.
- Bubbles: I knew this skirt was see-through. I just don't like wearing underwear. I don't like the way it feels.
- Connie Edwards: I'm not talking about you. Sandra White is Jackabee's daughter.
- Bubbles: What a fucking psycho bitch.
- Connie Edwards: This room is like a signed confession from her. Also proves that Phil is innocent. We got her.