Jemaine Clement: Boris The Animal

Men in Black³

Boris The Animal

Boris The Animal: What's your plan?
Boris The Animal: Prevent the ArcNet from being deployed. Kill anyone who tries!
Boris The Animal: Good plan - didn't work. With my help we'll get the ArcNet, kill Agent K, the invasion will be successful and we will get to keep both of our...
[sees his younger version staring at his stump]
Boris The Animal: STOP STARING AT IT! Listen...

[Boris meets his younger self in 1969]
Boris The Animal: You pathetic waste of Boglodite flesh, I would kill you now if I didn't value my own life!
Boris The Animal: Who are you?
Boris The Animal: Look at you! Every mistake I ever made, just waiting to happen!
Boris The Animal: What happened to my arm?
Boris The Animal: You lose it, shot off by a human!
Boris The Animal: No human can defeat me!
Boris The Animal: You spend the next forty years in prison, chained up like an animal!
Boris The Animal: There is no prison that can hold me!
Boris The Animal: They built one specially for us, on the moon!
Boris The Animal: The humans haven't been to the moon, so they cannot have built it there already!
Boris The Animal: Stop arguing! You can avoid all of that, if you just listen to me!
Boris The Animal: YOU were defeated! YOU let it get shot off! That wasn't me, that was YOU!
[Both Borises roar at each other]

Boris The Animal: Hello, K.
Agent K: Boris the Animal.
Boris The Animal: [angrily] It's just Boris!
Agent K: You haven't changed very much. I see the arm I shot off is... still shot off.
Boris The Animal: Yes, my arm.
[caresses his pet]
Boris The Animal: We've thought about that moment every day for the last 40 years.
Agent K: Well, that's just not living a full life.
Boris The Animal: I can promise you it will be longer than yours.
Agent K: Lonelier, too, since you're the last Boglodite standing.
Boris The Animal: We'll see about that. But first, I wanted the pleasure of killing you...
Agent J: [arrives on the roof] Yo, K.
[Boris starts shooting spikes at J and K, who use the door that Jay came through as a shield]
Agent K: Where the hell have you been?
Agent J: Fishing!
[Boris continues shooting spikes until J and K fall off of the roof]
Boris The Animal: You don't know it, K, but you're already dead.

Coney Island Hippie: Far out, man!
[touches Boris' motorcycle]
Boris The Younger: If you want to keep that, I wouldn't!
Coney Island Flower Child: Make love, not war!
Boris The Younger: I prefer to do both.
[Both hippies laugh. Boris forces an awkward laugh, then the hippies stare at him awkwardly. He laughs again, and once more as he drives off]

Boris The Animal: [meeting his younger self] You pathetic waste of Boglodite flesh! I'd kill you right now if I didn't value my own life.
Boris the Younger: Who are *you*?
Boris The Animal: Look at you... Every mistake I've ever made, just waiting to happen.
Boris the Younger: What happened to my arm?
Boris The Animal: You lose it. Shot off by a human.
Boris the Younger: No human could defeat me!
Boris The Animal: You spend the next forty years in prison, chained up like an animal!
Boris the Younger: No prison can hold me!
Boris The Animal: They built one especially *for* us, on the moon.
Boris the Younger: No human has been to the moon, so they cannot have built it there already!
Boris The Animal: Stop arguing! You could avoid all of that if you'd just listen to me!
Boris the Younger: *You* were defeated! *You* let it get shot off! That wasn't me, that was *you*!
[they roar at each other]
Boris The Animal: [calming himself] What's your plan?
Boris the Younger: Prevent the Arc Net from being deployed, kill anyone who tries!
Boris The Animal: Good plan; didn't work. With my help, we'll get the Arc Net, kill Agent K; the invasion will be successful; and we'll get to keep both of our ar...
[notices his younger self staring at his stump]
Boris The Animal: STOP STARING AT IT! Listen...

Prison Guard #4: [Boris passionately kiss his female visitor] This ain't a conjugal visit. So quit your conjugating!
Boris The Animal: [sarcastically, after stopping kissing] When's the last time you conjugated anything?