Mike Judge credited as playing...
Beavis • Butt-Head • Van Driessen • Smart Beavis • Smart Butt-Head • Old Beavis • Old Butt-Head • Empress Beavis • Emperor Butt-Head
- Metcalf: The federal government has jurisdiction.
- Butt-Head: He said dick.
- Beavis: Heh heh. It's not that funny
- Metcalf: Federal law dictates that you turn them over.
- Butt-Head: Whoa, he definitely said dick that time.
- Beavis: Heh, heh,. Yeah, so what? It's not that funny, Butt-Head. So one word sounds like another word, big deal, who cares?
- Serena Ryan: So you can ruin me and have me replaced as governor with one of your deep state assets?
- Butt-Head: She said ate ass. Heh-heh-heh
- Beavis: Whoa, ate ass. She said ate ass.
- Serena Ryan: Jesus, what is wrong with you. I did not say ate ass
- Beavis: She said it again, hm-heh. Heh-heh-heh-heh.
- Butt-Head: Ate ass.
- Beavis: They're just sitting around saying ate ass.
- Butt-Head: Ate ass.
- Beavis: Ate ass.
- Butt-Head: Damn it, Beavis, shut up. You're embarrassing me. If you don't get a boner when you think about her, then you don't know what love is.
- Serena Ryan: Do you know how few people have done what you're about to do?
- Beavis: Uh... no.
- Serena Ryan: Only two-hundred and fifty-six men and forty-nine women.
- Beavis: That's a little bit more than I was hoping but, you know, that's okay.
- Serena Ryan: From sixteen different countries, ranging in ages from twenty-eight to seventy-seven.
- Beavis: Jesus Christ! We get it!
- Butt-Head: [the duo walk through a college classroom] Uh, don't mind us
- Beavis: We just need to get through here so we can score
- Butt-Head: Yeah there's this slut at our house who's going to like do it with us, any of you ladies want to, uh join the party
- [the women react with disgust and outrage]
- Professor: Hang on everyone, hang on this is teachable ok, they used the word slut in a sex positive way, which is a good thing but other than that these two are a reminder that we have a long hard road ahead of us
- Butt-Head: [laughs] Long hard!
- Beavis: Yeah like a wiener or a schlong, get it
- [laughs]
- Professor: [after listening to their crude comments] Uh huh, why don't we start by telling us what you two thought of the reading assignment for today?
- Butt-Head: Uh, we don't really read stuff
- Professor: Of course not, because you don't need to, because daddy's connections got you into college and will get you a job on wall street
- Butt-Head: [intrigued] Uh, wait a minute, do you know who my dad is?
- Professor: I'm sure he's powerful and can have me fired, but I don't care
- Butt-Head: Woah, cool my dad has power!
- Beavis: [laughs] That's cool cuz Butthead's mom said he died from syphilus! Wow!
- Van Driessen: What are you two doing?
- Butt-Head: Uh... we're trying to find out how many times I can kick Beavis in the nads before he passes out.
- Beavis: Yeah, heh.
- Van Driessen: And that's your science fair project?
- Butt-Head: Uhh... what science fair?
- Beavis: Yeah, what's that?
- Van Driessen: Well, it's too bad you didn't take this more serious, okay? The winner of the science fair this year gets a free trip to NASA Space Camp.
- Beavis: Whoa. Space camp? That's pretty cool, Butt-Head. What if we really did a nad-kicking science experiment and, and like, we did measurements and we wrote stuff down with a pencil like you're supposed to and--and maybe we could prove everybody wrong and win the whole science...
- Butt-Head: [sees the Powerkick 3000] Whoa. Beavis, I have an idea for our science fair project.