Paul Giamatti credited as playing...
Barney Panofsky
- Barney Panofsky: ...and I'm just gonna keep talking here, 'cause I'm afraid that if I stop there's gonna be a pause or a break and you're gonna say 'It's getting late' or 'I should get going', and I'm not ready for that to happen. I don't want that to happen. Ever.
- [they pause]
- Miriam: There it was. The pause.
- Barney Panofsky: Yeah.
- Miriam: I'm still here.
- Miriam: We can be friends now, can't we?
- Barney Panofsky: No. We can't.
- Miriam: I'm here for you if you'll let me. We had a beautiful marriage, but it's over. I want you to be at peace with that.
- Barney Panofsky: Have I ever given up when it comes to you?
- Miriam: Never.
- Barney Panofsky: So what makes you think I would start now?
- Miriam: We were just gonna throw some burgers on the barbecue. Do you want to join us?
- Blair: I'm a vegan. But thank you.
- Barney Panofsky: A what? Is that treatable?
- Barney Panofsky: Should I sleep on the sofa?
- Miriam: Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're not sleeping on the sofa, we don't sleep apart. Good night.
- Miriam: Really? Well, words matter. Actions matter. They have consequences. If you want people to take you seriously, then act accordingly. Do you understand me, Barney?
- Barney Panofsky: Yes
- Miriam: What am I saying?
- Barney Panofsky: Be great in act, as you have in thought
- Barney Panofsky: Don't ever tell my father what he can or cannot do again.
- 2nd Mrs. P's Father: He traumatized the Rabbi's wife...
- Barney Panofsky: I don't care if he fingered her under the table. He's my father and he'll have your respect.
- [first lines]
- Blair: Hello?
- Barney Panofsky: Blair, I'd like to speak with my wife.
- Blair: Oh, Barney, it's 3:00 in the morning.
- Barney Panofsky: Put my wife on the phone.
- Blair: She's not your wife and I'm not waking her.
- Barney Panofsky: All right. Well, then just ask her what she wants me to do with all these nude photos I have of her. Ah, come to think of it, you actually might want them, if only to see what Miriam looked like in her prime.
- Blair: [hangs up]
- Barney Panofsky: The Big Apple is actually a racing term. Credited to John Fitzgerald, sportswriter for The Herald in the 30s. But he had heard it from a stable hand in Mississippi, using the term to refer to, ah, the New York race tracks because getting t orace in New York was hitting the big time. Taking a bite of that Big Apple.
- Dr. Morty: What kind of car do you drive?
- Barney Panofsky: Morty, that's fucking embarrassing.
- Dr. Morty: Just answer it.
- Barney Panofsky: A... you know, goddamn it... it's German... I can't even find the fucking thing. Why should I care what it's called?