Michael Weatherly credited as playing...
Anthony DiNozzo
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, I told you about the... the brains. I told you about the guts, I told you about the muscle, the scientist, the politician, the leader, I told you about every member of the team, except myself. The part I play.
- Saleem Ulman: Which is?
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'm the wild card. I'm the guy who looks at the reality in front of him and refuses to accept it. Like right now I should be terrified, right? But I'm not. Because I just can't stop thinking about the movie "True Lies." You know where Arnie's strapped to the chair, shot full of truth serum? Picks his cuffs, and kills everybody? You have 30 seconds to live, Saleem.
- Saleem Ulman: [chuckles] No, you're still bound. You're lying.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I can't lie. And I didn't say I was going to be the one to kill you. Remember when I told you my boss was a sniper?
- [a bullet flies through window and kills Saleem. Hundreds of yards away, Gibbs looks up from the sights of his rifle]
- NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [over radio] Go.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [after hearing that Ziva's ship sunk with no survivors] After that business as usual lost all meaning.
- [everything becomes blurred and each character is seen from Tony's perspective]
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Blah, blah, blah. Computer stuff. Blah.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [drops file on Tony's desk] Autopsy report
- Abby Sciuto: Words! There's so many words! And there's thinks and-and stuff and emotions. Thanks for listening.
- NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Got a dead marine. Grab your gear... Got a missing kid. Grab your gear... Some idiot smuggled a koala on a submarine. Grab your gear... Grab your gear. Grab your gear. Grab your gear.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Abby Sciuto. Resident NCIS Forensic Specialist, heart and soul. A paradox wrapped in an oxymoron, smothered in contradiction. Sleeps in a coffin. Really the happiest Goth you'll ever meet.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Did you know that Sahara in Arabic is desert. So the Sahara Desert means Desert Desert. That's a lot of sand.
- Abby Sciuto: And no one's telling us anything. So we have two options.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: And they're both illegal.
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Hack into Mossad...
- Abby Sciuto: Or hack into Vance.
- Captain Rebecca 'Becky' Hastings, USAF: Oh, that's it! I'm outta here! I'm done!
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: So much for the daredevil.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Forgot about her.
- Abby Sciuto: Whatever... let's get hackin'!
- Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: Out of everyone in the world who could have found me. It had to be you.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You're welcome. So, you glad to see me?
- Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: You should not have come.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: All right then. Good catching up. I'll be going now.
- [Starts to rise, then sits back down]
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh, yeah, I forgot, taken prisoner.
- Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: Are you all right, McGee?
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Just glad you're alive.
- Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: Why are you here?
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Couldn't live without you I guess.
- Ziva David, Former Mossad Liaison: So you will die with me. You should have left me alone.
- [Tony is asking McGee to help fix his television set]
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's computers. It's your thing. If I had a thing, I would show it off all the time.
- NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering] There are rules against that, DiNozzo.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Wow, you guys have a whole little thing going on. But I get it. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Bob's your uncle. I'm hip. I dig it.
- NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Good. Got a volunteer?
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I volunteer myself and Special Agent McGee for the secret fact finding mission thingy. That's not so secret in the Sahara. What are you gonna do?
- NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You don't want to know.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Good talk.
- [flashback: DiNozzo and McGee tackle a humongous sailor in a drug-induced rage]
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [v.o] Our team consists of a gang of four. Tight knit. My partner is Tim McGee, small muscles, big brains, heart of a lion. Together we're virtually unstoppable... virtually.
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: I got him... Tony, he's going for the knife!
- [the sailor pulls a knife out of his leg and raises it, only for Gibbs to appear, knock him down and choke him into unconsciousness with his boot]
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [v.o] Our team leader is the fearless Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Former Gunnery Sergeant, Marine sniper, coffee aficionado and functional mute.
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: [panting] Piece of cake.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [panting] Simple as pie.
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Smooth as silk.
- [flashback to the present]
- Saleem Ulman: And the fourth member of your team?
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We lost her.
- Saleem Ulman: You were driving the desert with out back up. So what are you doing here?
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well Saleem, there's only one force on Earth that can short circuit a man's better instincts, put fire in his veins, makes him dive head long into danger with no regard for his own well being... Vengeance, Saleem. I'm here to kill you.
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: [knows Tony is not paying attention] Been thinkin' about buying some tight red leather pants. You know something that really cradles my butt.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Thinking of Ziva's lack of communication] It's not normal.
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: I'm kidding. I'm not really...
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's not normal we haven't heard from Ziva.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Gibbs asked DiNozzo to select Ziva's replacement from a stack of applicant's files] Are there photos in there, boss?
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Boss, really? Tony picks? Because, you know, coming from anyone else, that might be considered a lapse in judgement.
- NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Okay, you both pick.
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: That makes much more sense.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You don't trust me to be professional?
- NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No casting couch.
- Abby Sciuto: We've isolated the needle in the haystack. An anomaly, one specific characteristic.
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Brand name import. Not easily available in Europe or Africa.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Got all the way from the United States, at high cost, high difficulty.
- NCIS Director Leon Vance: What are we talking about?
- Abby Sciuto: [Abby holds up her Caf-Pow] Ta-Da!
- [Flash-forward to the present; Saleem gives an enraged roar and heaves his canteen against the wall. It falls to the floor, leaking Caf-Pow]
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Just couldn't do without your daily Caf-Pow, could you?
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Petty officer Kevin Wingate. Disciplined for drug possession. Low quantity.
- NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Personal use?
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What kind of discipline?
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Sixty day restriction.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh. He hasn't been off the boat?
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Not in two months.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, he didn't get the dose on land, he could have cooked it up himself.
- NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Or someone brought it to him. Shipmates thought he'd kicked.
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: I guess he fell off.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [entering] We do not guess, Timothy. Nor do we assume, presume, conjecture, or prognosticate.
- Saleem Ulman: A mixture of Sodium Pentothal, several other agents effective in extracting the truth. It will not take long for it to start working.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You're going to be dead soon. Truth or not? I tell you I think this stuff's working already.
- Saleem Ulman: Got my B.S. from Yale University.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yale? Got my B.S. on the streets.
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: [Referring to a prospective replacement] She's unflappable.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: She's unflappable.
- [Candidate runs out of the conference room crying. Gibbs hands folder to DiNozzo]
- NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Strike one.
- Abby Sciuto: I've been trying to contact Ziva in ever way possible!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Psychics, telepathy, or crystal balls?