Hugh Laurie credited as playing...
Dr. Gregory House
- Dr. James Wilson: The operation is in 2 hours. I'd like you to be there.
- Dr. Gregory House: [Long pause] No.
- Dr. James Wilson: What? Why?
- Dr. Gregory House: Because if you die, I'm alone.
- Dr. Gregory House: The self-important jerk does not have transverse myelitis. He's got cancer.
- Dr. James Wilson: How do you even -?
- Dr. Gregory House: Ok! Maybe I paid the redhead down in records a few bucks to cc me on all your cases. A few patients die, you might get sad again. Make a speech that would end your career. Frankly, I'm stalking you for you.
- Dr. Gregory House: Is it that time of year again?... He's a self-important jerk.
- Dr. James Wilson: He's my friend.
- Dr. Gregory House: He's a self-important jerk!
- Dr. James Wilson: Seems to be what I'm attracted to.
- Dr. James Wilson: Wow. Okay. See? That's... very adult of you.
- Dr. Gregory House: No it isn't. It's just me accepting the fact that there's nothing I can do about it. Moving on.
- Dr. James Wilson: Which is, I think, the definition of adulthood.
- Dr. Gregory House: Well, if it is. Being a kid is a lot more fun.
- Dr. James Wilson: House, it's too late. The liver started to degrade. It's no longer viable for transplant.
- Dr. Gregory House: ...
- [to the victim's sister]
- Dr. Gregory House: Well played. Religion just killed another person.
- Dr. James Wilson: I'm not here for an argument, House.
- Dr. Gregory House: No. Right. That's room 12-A.
- Dr. Gregory House: Why are you doing surgery when I need you find me a new case?
- Dr. Robert Chase: You don't want a new case.
- Dr. Gregory House: Oh, right.
- Dr. James Wilson: It's exactly what you would do.
- Dr. Gregory House: I'm me. You're you.
- Dr. James Wilson: ...And a table is a table.
- Dr. Gregory House: And chemo is poison. And double chemo is double poison. And I can handle it when things go wrong. You *can't*. And things could go very *very* wrong.
- Dr. James Wilson: I can handle it.
- Dr. James Wilson: We do need a bigger refrigerator. She hurt my friend. She should be punished.
- Dr. Gregory House: You got mad? I'm proud of you. Cuddy won't share the sentiment. How you gonna explain it to her?
- Dr. James Wilson: Changing our address to a PO box.
- Dr. Gregory House: She'll find out eventually.
- Dr. James Wilson: Problem delayed is a problem denied.
- [Makes a call on his cell phone]
- Dr. James Wilson: Bonnie. I'll take it.
- Dr. Gregory House: Got the urge to play last night. Had to go all the way back to my old apartment. Thought I'd save on future trips.
- Dr. James Wilson: Hmm. It's very eco friendly of you. How about keeping down on the noise pollution.
- Dr. Gregory House: Don't be a doormat Wilson!
- Dr. James Wilson: Boy. You are - you willfully ruined my food and have taken over my living room because you *already think I'm a doormat*! You know what?
- [Opens the fridge and throws House's margarita shooters in the trash]
- Dr. James Wilson: You're wrong! Clean up your stuff and GET OUT!