OK, I know I'm repeating myself poking fun at these parody titles all the time but really, 'Not Married with Children XXX'? Does that mean they're not married and don't have children? Surely they can't mean it doesn't need an XXX rating? And since all the characters are credited by the exact same names as those in the TV series, the title would be more accurate without the 'Not' in front of it. I don't get why Will Ryder doesn't come up with some traditional spoof names anyway. Or he could have named this 'Not the Bundys' as he's already done two 'Not the Bradys' and one 'Not the Cosbys' (with another on the way in both cases). But obviously Will & Co are attempting to make their porn parodies as close to the source material as possible, so why not call it what it is: Married with Children XXX. Unless of course it's some kind of copyright thing. But then again this certainly isn't the first adult version of MWC. It is the most accurately looking one, though.
As our story opens, for some reason Peg (Brittany O'Connell) insists Al (Eric Swiss) has to explain the birds and the bees to Kelly (Kagney Linn Karter). But Al is all rilled up and annoyed by his co-worker Bart (Brad Hardy) at the shoe store. He even has nightmares about him. When he goes downstairs to get a glass of milk at 3 A.M., he almost catches Kelly giving her latest boyfriend Rocky (Barrett Blade) oral sex. Although she is cut short, this is quite significant because as the main star of the film, Kagney had already performed her solo scene and wasn't scheduled to go all the way until the end of the picture. The next evening Peg throws Marcie (India Summer) a party just because she's thinking of divorcing Steve (Dino Bravo). She hires a stripper (Nick Manning) using Al's gas money. Also in attendance are Payton Leigh (non sex) and Kora Cummings, who acts as a Fluffer (two aborted BJ's in a row!), leaving Marcie to go all the way with big Nick. This is also a bit of a departure for a Will Ryder production, in which extra marital sex is usually a crime.
The next day Al has to take the bus to work (because you know where the gas money went). Once there, Bart presents him with free VIP passes to a beauty spa. Bud (Dane Cross) quickly offers to keep the tickets safe, only to use them himself of course. Finding himself surrounded by Brooke Belle, Emmy Reyes and Allyssa Hall, Bud wastes no time in fantasizing their clothes off, but weirdly enough it's only Brooke who has sex with him while the other two act as scenery. Not only is it a crying shame that Emmy and Allyssa don't participate (would the film have gone over budget if they had to be paid full price?) but it's totally inconceivable that an all American male like Bud wouldn't include all three in his fantasy.
Back at the shoe-store, poor old Al gets a good close up look at a Tranny customer (Kimber James) while lucky Bart gets to service Madison Scott (and ends up selling her 20 pairs to boot). That night in bed amateur sleuth Peg deduces that A: Bart could get fired for having sex in the workplace and B: the mints he offers to his female customers might possibly be an aphrodisiac. Since Al took a packet of Bart's mints home (he stole them) they decide to try it out and what do you know, they are at it like rabbits immediately. This was quite a clever plot devise to get them to do the deed seeing is how hard it was for Peggy to get Al excited in the series (and also a good way to keep them from cheating on each other).
So, Al asks Kelly to help him set a trap for Brad which she manages to do without having sex with her father's enemy leading Al to feel good for a change. Afterwards Kelly goes home with an escaped convict (Reno) she just met for the grand finale. Now all the while during the 'funny parts' there is a lot of rowdy canned laughter and whooping each time a character makes an entrance. During the sex scenes, there is no laugh track. Sometimes however, the actors do a double take or ad lib a funny line in there, and the fake laughter is sorely missed. Of course I can understand they didn't want to belittle the actors performances or make fun of them when they're giving their all, but it does cause a bit of a continuity problem and in some of these occasions, you actually begin to miss the laughter. Still, there were a couple of nice surprises in this installment of the 'Not XXX' series and also a few too many actresses who remained on the sidelines. Got to ask Tiava if she can show me all of them in action.
7 out of 10
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