Donald Glover credited as playing...
Troy Barnes
- Jeff Winger: I'm locked out of my old kingdom. You're not. You see what I'm saying?
- Troy Barnes: You're saying I could be a lawyer.
- Jeff Winger: I'm saying you're a football player! It's in your blood!
- Troy Barnes: That's racist.
- Jeff Winger: Your soul!
- Troy Barnes: That's racist.
- Jeff Winger: Your eyes?
- Troy Barnes: That's gay?
- Jeff Winger: That's homophobic.
- Troy Barnes: That's black.
- Jeff Winger: That's racist!
- Troy Barnes: ...Damn!
- Annie Edison: Troy, I've been waiting for an hour!
- Troy: It's all right, I'm worth it. Hip, hop, body don't stop, Riverside got the broom, don't need a mop. Put your team in a box, put a ribbon on top, we're not John Kerry 'cause we don't flip flop. Say ohhh...
- Annie Edison: Troy. Why are you doing our politically conservative high school's shamefully outdated fight rap?
- Jeff Winger: This decision has to be yours, T-Bone. And this decision has to be yes.
- Troy: How did you know my nickname was T-Bone?
- Jeff Winger: Because you're a football player and your name begins with "T." Your name... begins... with "T."
- [Abed and Troy are playing with the PA system]
- Abed Nadir: Announcement number one: All announcements will be cool starting right now.
- Troy: Announcement number two: Butt soup.
- Abed Nadir: Announcement number three: I am not Hadji from "Jonny Quest", Jeff Winger.
- Troy: On security news, you guys gotta start locking the dean's door, so guys like us don't get in.
- Jeff Winger: For instance, after the dean talked to you about football, you and I were thinking the same thing.
- Troy: [Face lights up] That dude looks like Moby!
- Jeff Winger: We were thinking "What if Troy *did* play for Greendale?". You'd be surprised how many of your favorite football players started at community college.
- Troy: Really. Name one.
- Jeff Winger: Who's your favorite football player?
- Troy: Me.
- [Face changes to an astonished look]
- Troy: Whoa!
- Jeff Winger: Let me tell you. little secret about me Troy. Every day on my way to school, I drive through downtown past the courthouse. Just to get a glimpse of the world I once ruled. And I just want to jump out of my car, run up the steps and... exploit the legal system for profit. But I can't, I'm locked out of my old kingdom. You're not. See what I'm saying?
- Troy: [Nods, gets a faraway look in his eyes] You're saying I could be a lawyer.
- Jeff Winger: I'm saying you're a football player; it's in your blood.
- Troy: That's racist.
- Jeff Winger: Your soul.
- Troy: *That's* racist.
- Jeff Winger: Your eyes?
- Troy: That's gay?
- Jeff Winger: That's homophobic.
- Troy: That's black.
- Jeff Winger: That's racist.
- Troy: Damn!
- Annie Edison: And what does a star turn into after it collapses?
- Jeff Winger: A movie of the week.
- Troy Barnes: A black hole.
- Annie Edison: Right. Troy, you could be an astronomer.
- Pierce Hawthorne: As far as I'm concerned, there's only one black hole worth studying.
- [everyone stops and stares at Pierce]
- Pierce Hawthorne: It's called Sagittarius A. It's located in the center of our galaxy and it has the density of 40 suns.
- [Jeff holds up one finger to signal 'wait for it']
- Pierce Hawthorne: Just like my wiener.
- Troy Barnes: Troy: Ha-ha. You said "wiener." That's funny.
- Abed Nadir: Pierce and Troy didn't get along at first but now they're bonding through mutual adolescence.
- Pierce Hawthorne, Troy Barnes: Shut up, fart head. Will you shut up, poo-poo head?